Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
My response to all of this is "Really?" We're worried about the effects of wine or chocolate on our health. Humans have been getting drunk since we were monkeys finding fermented fruit on the jungle ground. There are hormones in our drinking water, carbon monoxide in the air, crazy polyimers in the ground, and e. coli in our food; I say we might as well get our drink on now, because by the time we're doing our chemo-cocktails we won't have the strength to be drunk anymore.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Many years ago I dated Jabba the Hut. OK that is not true. However, for the purposes of this blog the boy I did date many years ago will be refered to as Jabba not to protect the the boy but to protect me. It is far less embarasssing to admit to dating a movie star, however grotesque, than to admit to my actual choice. And that is the point of today's post.
Monday I was performing at an ill attended show on the East side of Manhattan. I had just completed my set when the very inebriated host took back the stage and annouced I slept with Jabba. Thankfully, the audience had no idea who the host was talking about, but my colleagues did. Oh the humilation. During the rest of the show I was whispering rationalizations and execuses to the other comics. "It was so many years ago. He was a lot thinner. And taller a good 5 inches taller, weird how a 30 something can shrink like that. I was going through a real tough time, I just got divorced I still wasn't off the heroin, coke, meth, and LSD." You know you've made a mistake when you've rather be known as a divorced recovering drug fiend (none of which is true) than admitting you dated Jabba. I continued, "And it was before he had that horrible accident that imparted irreprabable brain damage. Back when we were dating he was a totally different person, such a sweet personality, charming, not awkward or hateful at all. It's sad what happened to him after that accident. What? What was the accident? Uh...umm. He got caught in a subway door. He was holding up the train and a little old lady starting beating him with an umbrella in hopes he'd get out of the door. Because he was so much taller then the little all lady had to jump up to reach his head. The extra force of her coming down jarred his brain. I know so horrible."