Monday, September 28, 2009

CyberSleuths: An Attempt at Short Film Making

What do you do when half your footage has no sound? Narrate!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Maybe not a Bargain but a Fair Price

It's always suprising where I learn things. Today I saw a Chris Christie political ad on TV today. For those of you who don't know Chris Christie is one of several candidates for NJ Governor this year. He is also a man with a parents who aren't so imaginative. Chris Christie really? Is his whole name Christopher Christian Christie? Is John or Robert that hard or something more fun like Mordechi or Anferny.

Anyway, I digress.

In Christie's TV ad he blasts incumbent John Corzine for raising property taxes. Basically the narrator of the ad says something to the effect, "New Jerserians pay more in property taxes than anyone in the country. We have so much corruption." and then something like Corzine sucks. I say New Jersians are getting a lot for their property tax tons of corruption. Maybe those living in Illinois are getting a slight better deal for their corruption but you have to factor in that the cost of living is higher in NJ your corruption is going to cost more. I guess if people in NJ want reduced taxes they should stop splurging on corruption. As much fun as corruption is in these economic daunting times we have to cut somewhere.

Meanwhile I think Christie should have said in his ad "John Corzine worked for Goldman Sachs therefore he's evil incarnate. And, I Chris Christie am a fat tub of goo who is a liar and might be corrupt myself you probably should vote for one of the 6 other candidates on the ballot. I'm Chris Christie and I wish my mom named me something different and I support this ad."

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Time Keeps on Slipping

There I was working my blue color type day job, where I disconnect computer and then reconnect them after movers have moved the computers to a new location, with a host of other ne'er do wells. You know musicians, grad students, comedians, and key makers. I overheard the conversation of two comedians talking to each other.

Comic 1: Yeah man, I just can't get into watching sports. It's such a waste of time.

Comic 2: Yeah, I know. Like. I don't have three hours of my day to give up to watching a game.

Really guys you can't afford the time? How would you be spending that three hours? I know you'll be curing cancer. Or perhaps ending world hunger. Negotiating peace between the red states and the blue states. What the hell do you do with your life that you can't waste time watching sports. Would it get in the way of your video game playing? I'm not saying that people should watch sports. If you don't like sports that's cool. I'm just saying that having to write jokes that you hope other people will waste their time listening to is a bad excuse.

We're all part of the great distraction.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Hip Hip Horray: Mission Accomplished!

The Fed Chair Ben Barnecke said, "Recession is very likely over." OK, everyone, back to work. Back to your jobs. Let's go. Stop dilly dallying. Why are you all just meandering about in circles? Oh don't worry if your old job isn't there. There are new jobs being created. Yes, they pay less per hour and offer less hours of work but who cares the recession is over!

Congressional Mooch

I think congressman Wilson blurted out "You lie" the other night because he wanted a free beer from Obama and maybe a free tour.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

If Only Women Were Good At Research...

Last night the local news (I can't remember which channel, the one with the blonde guy and the brunnette woman as co-anchors) reported the findings of a study done by a magazine. When working women were asked questions regarding their jobs more than 60% said they would love to quit. That it was just a pay check and would prefer to spend more time at home with their families. The news anchors reported this story with an "Aha! Told you so" in their voices. Like, "See we told you women didn't belong in the work place." Damn! You all are right. But we didn't know. Just think if we had been allowed to work all jobs for equal pay from the begining of time not a single bra would have been burned. We would have happily stayed home barefoot and pregnant.

The unfortunate part of this story is that men were not asked the same questions regarding their work life. I think if they had been asked they would have given the same response. Why? Because working sucks. Unless you do something interesting like scientific research or rock star no one likes there job. You think 100 years ago men working in the coal mine loved there work? They used to celebrate as they went off to the mines saying, "Don't let the women folk work in the coal mine. They'll ruin all the fun down here. The coal mine is the best part of my day and I don't need some pushy woman stealing my fun."

But I guess men find working mindlessly in a cube all day way more fullfilling than women do.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Safe and Secure

You want to protect your personal identity (as opposed to your D&D identity) from being stolen. Here's a trick. After you shred your financial documents blow your nose on them. Personal Identity theives are less likely to try to piece together snot covered shredded documentes than ones that are prestine.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Frugal Surgeon

With the economy tanking, impending healthcare reform, and conservative judges on the Supreme Court poor women, promiscious women, and women who just love rebel against their communities are fearful abortions might become a thing of the past. For awhile there I thought a young lady with little means and an unwanted pregnancy could always turn to homeopathic methods of abortion, namely booze and tuna fish.

But if you don't like fish and live in NYC where a night of drinking is probably more expensive than actual abortion there is another method. On a recent trip to Great Adventure amusement park I learned a thing or two. 1) Unfortunately, I'm not too short ride the fastest, tallest roller coaster in the world and boy did my brain and sinuses pay the price. 2) Almost all rides at an amusement park aren't good for pregnant women. From the log floom to Kingda Ka (don't go on this ride unless you want to terminate a pregnancy.) advise pregnant women not to ride.

Getting an abortion at Great Adventure has a number of benefits. When has a doctor's office ever provided a pirate ship to ride? I have never heard of a medical procedure only costing $53.67 with tax. If you go to Great Adventure during the week you never have to wait more than 45 minutes to ride a ride. When was the last time you only waited 45 minutes to see a doctor. And $53.67 is the top price you pay. Most pay half that buy simply picking up a soda can. No need for health insurance for this day of fun pregnancy termination. As far as infections go, I think if you stay away from the water park your 27 times less likely to pick up an infection than if you had an abortion in a hospital, and 190 times less likely to catch an infection than a back alley.

Kaiser Permanente, Judge Alito, and Purtians be damned! The women of America or least the ones that live near an amusement park can still enjoy their right not to be a mom.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Shining the Light on Self Discovery. Ahhh! No. Turn The Light Off

So you know how people wind up dating their parents? (Not actually their parents but people who share traits in common with their parents.) It makes getting to know a significant other's parents kind of daunting. Who will you see when you stare at the looking glass in the form of a partner's parents?

I learned alot about myself by being in a relationship and learning about my boyfriend's parents. Turns out I am domineering, witholding, hate clutter, and surprisingly need a hip replacement.