Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Please Provide 3 References.

This past week sitting Governor of NJ Chris Christie applied for the job of radio, sports, talk-show host on NYC’s radio station WFAN, a CBS radio station.  What I found odd is that WFAN did not call Chris Christie’s current employer, the people of NJ, for a reference.  I assume that when the WFAN hires a secretary they check her references[1].  What if a Christine Christie were applying for an admin job at The Fan what would her employer’s reference sound like? Perhaps something like this...

Current Employer: Hello, executive at office building of cubes speaking.

WFAN:  Oh. Sorry, I was expecting your assistant to answer.

CE:  She not here.  Again.

WFAN:  Well, you’re whom I want to talk to anyway.  I believe you know Ms. Christie is looking for new employment.  I was wondering if you could answer a few questions about her tenure working for you.

CE:  Yeah, sure. Why not.

WFAN:  Great. Thanks. So we have her down as working for you, for what will be 8 years in January?

CE:  Hmm. Not exactly.

WFAN:  Can you expand on that?

CE:  Well, she’s collected a pay check for 8 years but she frequently didn’t show up to work for months at a time.  At one point, she was gone for nearly a year trying to land a job with some D.C. outfit.  Normally that would have been terms of dismissal but her contract was iron clad.

WFAN:  Well, when she was present how would you describe her work style?

CE:  Menacing.

WFAN:  Interesting. Was that effective?

CE:  For the bottom line and efficiency? No. For getting her way? Sometimes.

WFAN:  Can you give me an example of when it was effective?

CE: Yeah. Sure. Despite wanting to work down in DC and never being here she really wanted to be fire warden of our floor. However, Mark in accounting said he’d do it.  His department wouldn’t back for fire warden so she had the interns shut down the elevator. It was a nightmare.  The stairwells were clogged. UPS couldn’t get onto our floor to deliver packages, it’s not like they’re going to walk up 8 flights of stairs carrying a bunch of boxes.  The interns wound up not getting college credit, but she did get to be fire warden. Sort of.   I mean. Mark really does it, cause she’s not here most days

WFAN:  Great. Can you tell me any other times she’s shown initiative?

CE:  That I can say for her, she doesn’t lack initiative.  There was the time she revamped our 50/50 raffle. We use it to fund a scholarship program. A consultant company sent her flowers and a “Hang in there” cat poster. Next thing you know she hired them to manager or 50/50. Which they turned into a 60/40. Then there was the time, she went above everyone’s head and just made cut a deal with Exxon. 

WFAN:  Exxon? Do you think they’re looking to advertise on the radio?  Maybe she has connections with them.

CE:  I don’t know, man. I mean we thought she did it so she could get a job with them after her contract was up with us, but she’s trying to work at your radio station, so there goes that theory.  But I’ll tell you one thing. Legal was pissed. They’d been working on that deal for over a decade and she comes along hijacks the CEO’s email account to pretend she was her, and gives them a 90% off of what we had bargained for and were days away from collecting.

WFAN:  A real self-starter.

CE: I guess you could say that.

WFAN:  How would you say she got along with her co-workers.

CE:  I feel like you’re not listening.

WFAN:  That really isn’t sports radio’s strength.

CE:  Christine got in a stand-off with Gail from operations. Gail didn’t want to go down to the 3rd floor and hijack Horizon’s Keurig Coffee capsules, so Christine took the checks I signed to pay our vendors and instead of delivering them to Gail’s office hid them. The electricity got shut off. So facilities warned people to stay away from the breakroom and fridge until our bill was paid and electricity was restored. Well, Christine was the only one who didn’t listen. Then she opened the fridge, letting all the cold air out and proceeded to eat everyone else’s food. She said she was saving us from an inevitable mold problem.  I had to tell her she was super pretty and Horizon agreed to give her on Keurig capsule to take home and then she gave me the checks.

WFAN:  What flavor was the Keurig?

CE:  Green tea.  Are we almost done?  I have a lot of work to get done because I literally have no help here.  And I don’t know about the new girl we’re getting she has no experience whatsoever, a weird smile.  But I have to take her because she bought middle management a ton of gifts.

WFAN:  Yeah, we’re done. Thanks for your time. And go Giants!

CE: Oh yeah, and she’s a Cowboy fan! Not Jets not Eagles, not anti-football.

WFAN:  Being a Cowboys fan is like being anti-football.

[1] Yes, I know there are male secretaries and that job is now called an administrative assistant or executive assistant, but trust me it’ll be more fun this way.
2. I obligatory of NJ
3. I was too lazy to go open Photoshop on my husbands MAC, so I used old school paint brush and not well.