Please Provide 3 References.
This past week sitting Governor of NJ Chris Christie applied
for the job of radio, sports, talk-show host on NYC’s radio station WFAN, a CBS
radio station. What I found odd is that
WFAN did not call Chris Christie’s current employer, the people of NJ, for a
reference. I assume that when the WFAN
hires a secretary they check her references[1]. What if a Christine Christie were applying
for an admin job at The Fan what would her employer’s reference sound like? Perhaps something like this...
Current Employer: Hello, Employer speaking.
WFAN: Oh. Sorry, I
was expecting your assistant to answer.
CE: She not
here. Again.
WFAN: Well, you’re
whom I want to talk to anyway. I believe
you know Ms. Christie is looking for new employment. I was wondering if you could answer a few
questions about her tenure working for you?
CE: Yeah, sure. Why
not?
WFAN: Great. Thanks. So
we have her down as working for you, for what will be 8 years in January?
CE: Hmm. Not exactly.
WFAN: Can you expand
on that?
CE: Well, she’s
collected a pay check for 8 years. However, she frequently didn’t show up to work for
months at a time. At one point she was
gone for nearly a year trying to land a job with some D.C. outfit. Normally that would have been terms of
dismissal but her contract was iron clad.
WFAN: Well, when she
was present how would you describe her work style?
CE: Menacing.
WFAN: Interesting.
Was that effective?
CE: For the bottom
line and efficiency? No. For getting her way? Sometimes.
WFAN: Can you give me
an example of when it was effective?
CE: Yeah. Sure. Despite wanting to work down in DC and never
being here, she really wanted to be fire warden of our floor. However, Mark in
accounting said he’d do it. His
department wouldn’t back her for fire warden. Therefore she had the interns shut down the
elevator. It was a nightmare. The
stairwells were clogged. UPS couldn’t get onto our floor to deliver packages,
it’s not like they’re going to walk up 8 flights of stairs carrying a bunch of
boxes. The interns wound up not getting
college credit. Though, she did get to be fire warden. Sort of. I
mean. Mark really does it, cause she’s not here most days.
WFAN: Great. Can you
tell me any other times she’s shown initiative?
CE: I can say that for her, she doesn’t lack initiative. There was the time she revamped our 50/50
raffle; you know the office lottery? We use it to fund a scholarship program. Some consultant company sent her
flowers and a “Hang in there” cat poster. Next thing you know she hired them to
manager or 50/50. Which they turned into a 40/40/20, them getting the 20. Then there was the time, she
went above everyone’s head and just cut a deal with Exxon.
WFAN: Exxon? Do you
think they’re looking to advertise on the radio? Maybe she has connections with them?
CE: I don’t know,
man. I mean we thought she did it so she could get a job with them after her
contract was up with us. Now she’s trying to work at your radio station, so
there goes that theory. But I’ll tell
you one thing. Legal was pissed. They’d been working on that deal for over a
decade and she comes along hijacks the CEO’s email account to pretend she was
her, and gives them 90% off of what we had bargained for and were days away
from collecting.
WFAN: A real
self-starter.
CE: I guess you could say that.
WFAN: How would you
say she got along with her co-workers.
CE: I feel like you’re
not listening.
WFAN: That really isn’t
sports radio’s strength.
CE: Christine got in a
stand-off with Gail from operations. We share a building with Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield. We ran out of coffee capsules for the coffee machine. Gail didn’t want to go down to the 3rd
floor and hijack Horizon’s Keurig coffee capsules, so Christine took the checks
I signed to pay our vendors and instead of delivering them to Gail’s office hid
them. The electricity got shut off. So facilities warned people to stay away
from the break room and fridge until our bill was paid and electricity was
restored. Well, Christine was the only one who didn’t listen. Then she opened
the fridge, letting all the cold air out and proceeded to eat everyone else’s
food. She said she was saving us from an inevitable mold problem. To convince her to release the checks to our vendorsI had to tell her she was super pretty and get Horizon to give her a Keurig capsule to take home.
WFAN: What flavor was
the Keurig?
CE: Green tea. Are we almost done? I have a lot of work to get done because I
literally have no help here. And I don’t
know about the new girl we’re getting. She has no experience whatsoever, and a weird
smile. But I have to take her because
she bought middle management a ton of gifts.
WFAN: Yeah, we’re
done. Thanks for your time. And go Giants!
CE: Oh yeah, and she’s a Cowboy fan! Not a Jets fan not an Eagles fan,
not even anti-football.
WFAN: Being a Cowboys
fan is like being anti-football.
[1] Yes,
I know there are male secretaries and that job is now called an administrative
assistant or executive assistant, but trust me it’ll be more fun this way.
2. Obligatory picture of NJ
3. I was too lazy to go open Photoshop on my husband's MAC, so I used old school paint brush and not well.
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