Monday, November 17, 2008

I Doubt Barak Can Type 60wpm

I finally figured out what is wrong with American politics. I know it's a good two weeks since our 2008 election day, but sometimes we need time to reflect to figure it all out.

Most of us who vote are pretty cynical. Politicians on both sides of the isle blatanly lie to us every year. It really rustles our feathers. We take it as a personal insult. But I think we need to cut these guys and gals some slack. These people seeking political office are very similar to us. And it's not because they drink beer or play basketball or read books, or whatever. It's because when they apply for a job they lie through their teeth just like you and I do.

I don't know how many times I've told an interviewer that "I am a self-starter, detail oriented, and can multi-task. Oh how I love to multi-task. There is nothing that thrills me more than to be focused on a task than to be interrupted to do something else and to be interrupted again to do yet a third thing, and then try to remember what the hell I was doing at the start." My other favorite line is that "I love working in an office because that's where my skills lie-- in administration-- and I feel a great deal of satisfaction putting those skills to use."

The HR diretor is much like the electorate. She or he wants to be lied to. She doesn't want to here me say, listen I have been given every opportunity to succeed in life and somehow I've fucked it up again and again now I need a job and the temp agency sent me here. I have no idea what you do and I don't care. And if you've done any research on me like read my very public blog you'll notice I don't know the first thing about orientating myself to details. And no, I can't spell. So if you hire me I plan to put as minimal effort in the tasks I'm asked to do so that I can read the NYtimes online and gchat with my friends. I am actually a pretty good typist, though."

No, you can't say that and nor can a politician say to us, "My fellow Americans I have major father issues and I desperately need to get his impossible approval by holding a high public office or besting him by holding high public office. Also I have some good friends who run huge corporations and they need someone in government to help them make more money. They're good guys we were in a frat together and man can they drink. It's a marvel to watch. Anyway, I'm better looking and more charismatic so they thought I should run for office and switch up some laws so there business is easier to run. These guys were at my wedding, so of course I'll do them solid. And let's face it I like other great politicians such as Harry Truman have failed at everything I've tried so I figured I'd either hide out in government or hide out in academia. So I hope I can count on your vote."

No politicians can't say that. So they talk about tax cuts and healthcare just like we talk about how we're punctual and a team player.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

This Just In!

I just did the math. Granted I have a United State public school education, but according my figures we've bailed out the wrong people.

We have a little over 300,000,000 people in this country. Approximately 28% of them are under 18 which gives you about 200,000,000 adults. If we pay all our adults $75,000 for the year that would cost $15 trillion, which is slightly more than the $700 billion we're paying a few banks and insurance companies who are evil, corrupt, and apparently incompotent. Then people could fix the mess many have gotten themselves into (though I'd say a smaller percentage of Americans have screwed up their finances than the percentage of financial institutions who have screwed up their financial situations). Americans would pay off their debts, thereby infusing banks and mortgage brokers with money, and at the same time keeping people in their homes and their cars. And if still the mamoth institutions went under, well, who cares? There would still be consumers instead of destitute, heartbroken, dejectected ready to riot populace.

I'm just saying.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Uh Oh!

Is it time to start worrying about your own mental health when you find yourself agreeing with the relligious nut on the subway who enjoys preaching to a bunch of commuters on the 4 train.

I thought yesterday, "Yeah, you're right random guy with a shovel in his bag. You don't get buried with your car. And sure enough I believe in taking vacations and not just working working working. Oh wait, I don't about that Jesus shit. Go back to the part about how we should take better care of ourselves and eat balanced meals instead of random pieces of bread here and there."

Am I a crazy subway person in the making? Don't answer that.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Working with What You've Got

I've spent the past 8 weeks spending 40 hours in a cube and an additional 10 hours a week in a subway car. Though, I try to take a walk on my lunch break weather doesn't always make that possible. Did I balloon up on this two month stint? No. I found alternatives to traditional exercise in order to burn calories and keep the weight off.

First, I let my will to live and soul shrivel up. It's funny but we forget that the sould does have some weight and if you can just let the job do it's job you won't have to worry about an overweight soul. It's pretty. For me I just stared at the stacks and stacks of non-sensical filing they assigned me and let the feel of defeat wash over me. Poof! My soul nearly invisible.

Second, I hunted for hairs on my chin and then tried to yank them from my face. Sure it's not running or push-ups or the stairmaster but your fingers and hands sure get a work out. Those little hairs are a lot tougher than they look.

Lastly, I would pick at anything on my body I could find. I usually settled on the piercings in my ears. I pick at those holes until they'd bleed. Rejuvenating damaged skin requires calories to be burned. And, it's never ending fun.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Reflections on 2008 Presidential Election

I think the truly historic presidential election will be when we Americans vote for a self proclaimed Atheist.

Anyone else pissed that the Green Party spoiled this election for Nader. I think Nader would have won if the Greens hadn’t siphoned votes away. Nader was against the $700 Billion bail out way before Mckinnley (The Green Party Candidate) I’d say hours before.

When old-time black people and old civil rights activist were asked if they believed they’d ever live to see the day of an African American or bi-racial person get elected President of the U.S. They all said, “No.” Not only did they not believe most of them did not envision this future either. I wonder if it was just enough that Oprah had read “The Secret” and was able to project this outcome for the rest of us.

Can someone explain to me how PBS and Jim Lehrer were able to call report the results of the election without phones ringing in the background, intern types scattered to the sides and behind him with laptops. Lehrer’s special election show and none of the frenetic energy that Couric or the ABC guy had on their shows. Don’t you need phones ringing off the hook and crazy ass graphics to report on a presidential election? PBS must use quiet witchcraft.

President Bush has invited Obama to the White House. If I were Obama I wouldn’t go. Especially if Cheney is going to be there. Barak, politely decline and then go into hiding for a few days.

We really have voted for change. For the first time we have an Ivy League educated man who has gone to Law School elected President. He’s the first one who has ever raised millions of dollars from all sorts of big businesses, lobbyists, and special interests. I think it’s all going to be so different now.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Go Democracy!

Today is Election Day here in the good ole U.S. of A. And millions of people will vote. While others of millions won’t vote. It has been proposed by a person or two that we should change Election Day to the first Saturday of the month so that more people in America would vote. These weekend election day advocates believe that a large majority of those not voting are not voting because they have to go to work.

I have a counter proposition. Why not just make Election Day a national holiday where we all get off from work and school. First off, there are people who work on Saturdays such as bankers, transit workers, bartenders, comedians, actors, rock and rollers, computer movers, illegal immigrants etc. Second, people who work merely weekdays aren’t going to waste their weekend voting. 9-5ers need to drink, be hung over, and do yard work on their weekends. Third, a complete national day off would allow those undecided voters to finally have time to research the candidates and make a choice. Life is hectic and we all love to procrastinate. If we had a day off from work we could get a good night’s rest (better to make a decision when rested), do our political homework that we didn’t do for the past year, and then go out and vote. There’d still be time for a beer to celebrate Democracy! And if we learned anything this election cycle. Real Americans love beer typically six packs of beer.

I say real real true Americans love a day off of work. A day off from work is freedom and America means freedom. Freedom means voting and voting can only happen if we have the first Tuesday off in November each year. If you don’t agree with me you’re obviously a facist.