Monday, November 17, 2008

I Doubt Barak Can Type 60wpm

I finally figured out what is wrong with American politics. I know it's a good two weeks since our 2008 election day, but sometimes we need time to reflect to figure it all out.

Most of us who vote are pretty cynical. Politicians on both sides of the isle blatanly lie to us every year. It really rustles our feathers. We take it as a personal insult. But I think we need to cut these guys and gals some slack. These people seeking political office are very similar to us. And it's not because they drink beer or play basketball or read books, or whatever. It's because when they apply for a job they lie through their teeth just like you and I do.

I don't know how many times I've told an interviewer that "I am a self-starter, detail oriented, and can multi-task. Oh how I love to multi-task. There is nothing that thrills me more than to be focused on a task than to be interrupted to do something else and to be interrupted again to do yet a third thing, and then try to remember what the hell I was doing at the start." My other favorite line is that "I love working in an office because that's where my skills lie-- in administration-- and I feel a great deal of satisfaction putting those skills to use."

The HR diretor is much like the electorate. She or he wants to be lied to. She doesn't want to here me say, listen I have been given every opportunity to succeed in life and somehow I've fucked it up again and again now I need a job and the temp agency sent me here. I have no idea what you do and I don't care. And if you've done any research on me like read my very public blog you'll notice I don't know the first thing about orientating myself to details. And no, I can't spell. So if you hire me I plan to put as minimal effort in the tasks I'm asked to do so that I can read the NYtimes online and gchat with my friends. I am actually a pretty good typist, though."

No, you can't say that and nor can a politician say to us, "My fellow Americans I have major father issues and I desperately need to get his impossible approval by holding a high public office or besting him by holding high public office. Also I have some good friends who run huge corporations and they need someone in government to help them make more money. They're good guys we were in a frat together and man can they drink. It's a marvel to watch. Anyway, I'm better looking and more charismatic so they thought I should run for office and switch up some laws so there business is easier to run. These guys were at my wedding, so of course I'll do them solid. And let's face it I like other great politicians such as Harry Truman have failed at everything I've tried so I figured I'd either hide out in government or hide out in academia. So I hope I can count on your vote."

No politicians can't say that. So they talk about tax cuts and healthcare just like we talk about how we're punctual and a team player.

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