A big opportunity--An internet show. Of course I audition.
I awake at reasonable hour and shower. Now if my co-workers from my computer moving job learned of this, I'm sure their feelings would be hurt, I never shower before I go work with them. Not only do I shower, I attempt to apply make-up to my own face. And boy does that tinted moisturizer and mascara make a difference, I'm like an angel.
I arrive at the designated audition area all dolled up. I meet a producer upon stepping off the elevator. She looks at me quizzically and asks, "This is for a sports show?"
"Yes." I respond bewildered. She then looks me up and down in that way that only straight women and gay men can look a woman up and down-- with cruel judgment in their eyes-- and she says, "No, but like you should be really passionate about sports."
"Uh yeah." I respond.
"OK," she utters with disbelief in her voice.
At this point I'm completely flummoxed. Why wouldn't she believe me? I'm wearing a Mark Bavaro jersey. I'd think wearing the jersey of the best tight end in Giants history might scream, "I love sports. Passionately!" So I delicately say, "You seem not to believe me. I mean I'm wearing a Bavaro Jersey."
"Hmm, yeah, but you could just be anti-abortion."
"No. Sure he might be an anti-choice, Catholic zealot, but he's a great player. If it was merely displaying an anti-choice stance I'd just wear a Tim Tebow jersey. That guy plays football like he'd rather be in the school musical but his dad won't let him."
"Whatever, you're number 45."
And here is the video my husband, an evil Jets fan, found on the internet several years ago. He threw it in my face, like an Eli Manning interception, to break my big blue heart.