Locker Room Loses Coach
East Rutherford, NJ.
A rare situation has developed in the NFL. The Giants locker room has lost their head coach and possibly the entirety of the coaching staff.
Tom Coughlin was not at the Giants' facility last Wednesday during practice. Sources at the 5th Down Bar and Grill in Carlstadt, NJ said the 69 year old coach was sidled up to the bar drinking Wild Turkey. Patrons could hear the coach drunkenly grumbling to the bar tender, "If you're not going to block anyone why should I even bother with a game plan? Spend every hour of my waking life on this team and for what? So I can watch passes hit off shoulder pads. So I can be interrogated 3 times a week by half-wits whose industry is closer to death than I am?"
Despite the coach phoning it in on Friday's walk through (supposedly the usually fiery coach didn't yell at a single player) Coughlin made the trip to Miami with the team. Addressing the team before Monday's night game sources close to the team said the coach showed up in a smoking jacket and boxers, giving a low-energy, uninspired speech. "Alright, go out there and do whatever it is you're going to do. Nothing I say is going to make you tackle. Now I have an evening of top tier Miami clubbing and night surfing to get to. YOLO, I'm out."
After the speech the players looked at each other befuddle. Odell Beckham Junior was heard to ask veteran Eli Manning, What's clubbing?" Eli responded, "I think it's dancing and coke, but I'm not sure. It could be a caveman reenactment group."
Despite the team having completely lost their coach with a quarter of the season still left to play, they were able to eke out a win. Though questions remain if the team is unable to win back their head coach. Reuben Randall said he had a talk with the head coach last week and thought maybe if the receiving corps took the coaches bowling that could lift coach's spirits and get his head back into the game and planning.
In the press conference after the game Coughlin was asked by reporters if he was excited about the win. A sarcastic Coughlin responded, "Oh yeah. Sure. So excited. They beat the Dolphins, the powerhouse of the AFC, way to go. I'm giving everyone of these guys a medal. No, a trophy. A Superbowl trophy."
A rare situation has developed in the NFL. The Giants locker room has lost their head coach and possibly the entirety of the coaching staff.
Tom Coughlin was not at the Giants' facility last Wednesday during practice. Sources at the 5th Down Bar and Grill in Carlstadt, NJ said the 69 year old coach was sidled up to the bar drinking Wild Turkey. Patrons could hear the coach drunkenly grumbling to the bar tender, "If you're not going to block anyone why should I even bother with a game plan? Spend every hour of my waking life on this team and for what? So I can watch passes hit off shoulder pads. So I can be interrogated 3 times a week by half-wits whose industry is closer to death than I am?"
Despite the coach phoning it in on Friday's walk through (supposedly the usually fiery coach didn't yell at a single player) Coughlin made the trip to Miami with the team. Addressing the team before Monday's night game sources close to the team said the coach showed up in a smoking jacket and boxers, giving a low-energy, uninspired speech. "Alright, go out there and do whatever it is you're going to do. Nothing I say is going to make you tackle. Now I have an evening of top tier Miami clubbing and night surfing to get to. YOLO, I'm out."
After the speech the players looked at each other befuddle. Odell Beckham Junior was heard to ask veteran Eli Manning, What's clubbing?" Eli responded, "I think it's dancing and coke, but I'm not sure. It could be a caveman reenactment group."
Despite the team having completely lost their coach with a quarter of the season still left to play, they were able to eke out a win. Though questions remain if the team is unable to win back their head coach. Reuben Randall said he had a talk with the head coach last week and thought maybe if the receiving corps took the coaches bowling that could lift coach's spirits and get his head back into the game and planning.
In the press conference after the game Coughlin was asked by reporters if he was excited about the win. A sarcastic Coughlin responded, "Oh yeah. Sure. So excited. They beat the Dolphins, the powerhouse of the AFC, way to go. I'm giving everyone of these guys a medal. No, a trophy. A Superbowl trophy."
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