Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Throw Yourself an Emotionally Manipulative Party in 13 Easy Steps

Sometimes friendships don't workout. It's sad but true. Today I have given you steps in which to channel your new found time now that you are down a friend and don't have social obligations for him/her. Also this is a great way to avenge your hurt feelings.

1. Befriend your friend”s friends while you are still friends with your friends. You never know which friends will soon be ex friends so befriends with all the friends of friends you can. Trust me you'll need them as pawns in your emotionally manipulating schemes. or at least as companions when you decide your friends are no longer your friends.


    2. Find a place to live suited for hosting social events and parties.

  1. join social networking group and befriend your friends before your friends become your ex friends.

  2. Be irreparably hurt by a friend or friends so that you no longer can be friends with him/her/them.

  3. The Melissa Manchester Step: “Don't Cry Out Loud Just Keep it Inside Learn how to hide your feelings” Don't tell your former friends that you are now former friends. Seethe with anger and hurt on the inside and pretend nothing is wrong.

  4. Befriend former friend virtually on a social networking site you both belong to. **Warning do not yet leave any passive aggressive comments on former friend's wall, you still can't let on**

  5. Sign a lease for the apartment you found that is suitable for parties and the like.

  6. Make acquaintances with as many people as you can.

  7. Throw yourself a house warming party/Gentrification Party

  8. Invite your current friends, and your former friend's friends and your new found acquaintances to said party, but do not invite the former friend. The ex friend's friends who know you because of former friend will ask former friend if they are attending the house warming party. Ex friend will respond with bewilderment as they have not heard of this house warming party. hell they haven't heard that you moved.

  9. Take lots of pictures of your fabulous party.

  10. Make sure to take lots of pictures of you and your former friend's friends as well as people your friend has never met before—those new acquaintances

  11. Post pictures on your social networking site's profile.

  12. Then visualize how hurt and left out your former friend feels and say to them in your imagination, “How does it feel to not be invited or thought of? Suck it!”


If your friend is not on a social networking site, nor do they have any other friends than you, anonymously send all your pictures of your fabulous house warming party to their residence. When he/she or them email you (because god knows they won't call, I bet they won't even give out their cell phone number. And you're their only friend. I guess you know why now. Trying making friends with those kind of social skills) to question you if you sent random pictures of you partying with strangers in a strange apartment. Do not answer email. Ignore the email at all costs. They probably won't email you at all. and it's that kind of behavior that forced you to remove them from your sacred circle of friendship in the first place.

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