Thursday, July 24, 2008

Economics for Our Time

If you get a parking ticket don't pay it. With current rate of inflation you'll be saving yourself money by waiting a good ten years or so before paying this ticket. Your American dollar buys you less every second of the day. The current rate of fines, surcharges and whatnot the city throws ontop of your parking ticket can't not keep up with the loss of value of your money. In ten years that $65 parking ticket will be worth $10 in today's money despite having a $500 price tag in the future. That's savings you can see.

And you people hate today's elected officials. I'm sure you'll be grateful a decade from now.
I know I will when I thaw out the groceries I'm buying today and freezing for tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

How were you raised?

In general parents try to raise their children to be both honest and polite. Unfortunately, there are times when we can't be both we have to choose. Like when someone tells you that they love you and you don't love them back. "I love you," he or she says. What do you do? Are you polite, "I love you too and you look great in that outfit?" Or are you honest, "Uh huh. Great. Thanks. Also you might want to think about a hair cut." It turns out I'm not so polite. But on the upside I'm very very honest.

Well, I can be extremely polite when the person declaring their love for me is my childless aunt/godmother who has a nice little house in Florida. "I love you so much Aunt Marrilyn. There is no need for you to take me out of your will. There is no one I love more. I think you're absolutely great. You're not just my favorite aunt I think you're my favorite person, ever." As any politician will tell you it's not always necessary to be 100% honest.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

31 going on 5

I just celebrated my 31st birthday this past weekend. A friend was kind enough to by my a birthday gift. When he handed me the wrapped rectangular box, the kind of box that clothing typically comes in, I thought oh he must of wrapped a book or dvd or some kind of toy type thing in this clothing box. I took the box into my hands. It weighed hardly anything. Concern blanketed my aura. My hands lightly shook the box. Nothing rattled around in the box. Trying to mask disappointment I tried to put cheer in my voice as I asked, "It's clothes?"

"Yes," was his reply, "I hope you like it."

I gave a smile to my friend, but on the inside I whined, "Oh man! Clothes. That's no fun. I was hoping it was a bike or a piece of electronic equipment. At least a frisbee." Yes, I had the same reaction I had as a child when "Santa" would bring me boxes of clothes. I know that I'm not much taller than a child but I found quite amusing that my maturity hasn't grown much either.

I unwrapped the box to find a lovely black, knit sweater. Oncee the temperature drops I'm sure to wear it repeatedly. You know how us kids just wear our favorite shirt again and again and again until we out grow it or it disintergrates.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Koan For the New Millenium

If you a throw a party and no one shows up are you a loser to be pitied?

I say, "No." However, if only one person shows up then the answer is yes. If there is one person versus not any persons then there is witness to your loserdom and therefore someone to judge you. Some might argue that you only need yourself to be present for the judgement. But I say you can lie to yourself.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Codepence Day July 5th

I went to a family bar-b-que on Saturday. Members of my extended family asked, "You come up here to get material?" To which I answered, "No, I came for the free food, booze, and hopefully for some left overs to take home."

I have to say my family thinks pretty high of themselves to think they're material worthy. I'll tell you this they haven't done anything joke worthy since they put a picture of a sonagram on a cake and asked us all to eat the cake. Sure visiting aunt came close to making the act when she got mad at her mother for claiming that her dog was not a person. My aunt fumed with indignation, and stormed off because the fact is her dog is a person. Sure that's ridiculous but is there a punchline to be found in that story? Is there a punchline to be found in the story that my aunt wouldn't admit to her age at a party full of people who are related to her some of who remember her birth.

You know what guys, if you want to be in this kid's act you better start actually putting effort in. I need more than not being able to properly classify species of animals. And no it's not enough to be an alcoholic these days. Alcoholism is so passe. May I suggest if you really want to be part of the act at the next family gathering you sit me down and give me some life advice. Or even better comedy career advice. Because telling me it doesn't matter if my romantic relationship works out, "We're just glad you brought him and shared your life with us a little," is just a little too supportive and loving. And there is nothing funny about that.

yeah, I know. the title isn'r really relevant to the content

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I Should be a Political Advisor to the Stars

So Barbara Striesand has endorsed Senator Obama for president. She originally through public support Ms. Clinton, but since Clinton lost to Obama Striesand has to find a different horse. I don't know it seems that Striesand's endorsement didn't get Hilary Clinton elected. I figure if Barbra wants Obama to win she should publicly supprt McCain. When his constituents see he's gone all Hollywood Jew they are bond to look for someone else to vote for, someone less "Hollywood" ala ;ess Jewy. (McCain for Scottsman is pretty Jewy what with all his ailments and his closeness to his mother.)

Hollywood start backing Republicans in a reverse psychology move to get red state voters to hate Republicans because you rich actor types are very annoying.