Friday, December 26, 2008

It Ain't Just Dessert

People love armchair psychology. I think they love it more than armchair quarterbacking or back seat driving. One of the favorite diagnoses of the armchair psychoanalysis "You cannot accept love." I'm sure in some cases this might be true but I imagine in most cases this is way off base. To illustrate my point I once again turn to food, specifically the cheesecake.

"You can't accept love."
"Why because I don't to date some seemingly nice dude right now who claims to love me?"
"Yes."
"No."

Did it ever occur to the arm chair psychologist that some people might not be ready for dessert quite yet. Perhaps they are full from dinner (the love and affection of friends in family that takes up a good deal of their time and attention) there just isn't room for a romantic relationship right now. There just isn't room for heavy cheesecake.

Perhaps this cheesecake comes with strawberries on it, and not fresh strawberries but those strawberries from a can filled with sugary red goo. Some people love the goo while others of us would prefer chocolate chips, Oreo cookies or just plain old cheese cake. Why do I have to eat a cheesecake that I'm not really that into? Is it worth sitting at the table with my dish of cheesecake scraping off the strawberry topping? Couldn't I just wait until the cheesecake I want is available?

Of course it also could be too soon for cheesecake. You're giving me cheesecake but I haven't eaten dinner yet. Why are we jumping to cheesecake when we've only been dating a month or so. Slow down. Let's have dinner. Let's have an appetizer, a salad, an intermezzo, and a main course before we go rushing to the cheesecake. I get it we're adults now and we can have dessert anytime we want, but some of us like carrying on the tradition of earning dessert. I'll eat the cheesecake when I'm ready to eat the cheesecake.

Maybe the cheesecake is bullshit. Maybe it's made from soy. It's a soy cheesecake, that's gross. I don't want some fake cheesecake. Sure it looks like a cheesecake and sort of feels like a cheesecake but it doesn't taste like a cheesecake, and all that natural estrogen presents its own health risks. So from across the room you think I'm being offered genuine cheesecake but I know from where I sit that it's just an imposter. Listen, I'm not eating the soy cheesecake and you can't make me do it.




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