Monday, October 11, 2010

The Secret to My Unsuccss

I look around me and I see one thing people who doing well for themselves, professionally, have in common. They overcame some horrible addiction. I now people who were complete drunks give up drinking and the next thing you know they're out there succeeding. I have friend who weighed many pounds than she lost all the weight and now life is humming along for her. If only I had screwed up my life in some major way. If I had almost killed myself with some bad choice I could then really take stock of my life and say, "Rachael, this has to stop." When the problem is clear the solution can be found in a book or 12 step program.

Once I almost almost killed myself by climbing out a 3 floor window, but I only broke one bone. I was in the hospital a week maybe a week and half. You don't soul search with a broken ankle. And that my friends is as close as I have come to hitting rock bottom and then turning my life around.

Sure I could go out there start shooting heroin. But, what if I don't get addicted? What if I become one of those functional drug addicts we hear about? Or worse what if it all goes horribly wrong and I just stay addicted or overweight or a drunk or a sex addict, whatever? I guess I really don't have the courage to give my career my all. To gamble.

Well, I guess I'll still mull it over while I'm watching TV and gchatting for the rest of the day. We'll see if I can fit it in, what with all the computer hearts I have to play.

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