Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Frugal Surgeon

With the economy tanking, impending healthcare reform, and conservative judges on the Supreme Court poor women, promiscious women, and women who just love rebel against their communities are fearful abortions might become a thing of the past. For awhile there I thought a young lady with little means and an unwanted pregnancy could always turn to homeopathic methods of abortion, namely booze and tuna fish.

But if you don't like fish and live in NYC where a night of drinking is probably more expensive than actual abortion there is another method. On a recent trip to Great Adventure amusement park I learned a thing or two. 1) Unfortunately, I'm not too short ride the fastest, tallest roller coaster in the world and boy did my brain and sinuses pay the price. 2) Almost all rides at an amusement park aren't good for pregnant women. From the log floom to Kingda Ka (don't go on this ride unless you want to terminate a pregnancy.) advise pregnant women not to ride.

Getting an abortion at Great Adventure has a number of benefits. When has a doctor's office ever provided a pirate ship to ride? I have never heard of a medical procedure only costing $53.67 with tax. If you go to Great Adventure during the week you never have to wait more than 45 minutes to ride a ride. When was the last time you only waited 45 minutes to see a doctor. And $53.67 is the top price you pay. Most pay half that buy simply picking up a soda can. No need for health insurance for this day of fun pregnancy termination. As far as infections go, I think if you stay away from the water park your 27 times less likely to pick up an infection than if you had an abortion in a hospital, and 190 times less likely to catch an infection than a back alley.

Kaiser Permanente, Judge Alito, and Purtians be damned! The women of America or least the ones that live near an amusement park can still enjoy their right not to be a mom.

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