Friday, July 30, 2010

"The Givvies"

What if the world was just made up of non-ambitious, lazy people? Would that be paradise? I think it might, well almost. There world would not be tidy. Things would be strewn all over the place and their probably be human waste in our water supply as a lazy person would not walk the extra yards to keep the water clean. But look at what ambitious competitve people have put in our water supply (hormones, meds, industrial waste etc).

The lazy may never invent anything or move society along with so called progress, but a inhabited by the lazy would never see geonicide. "What? Kill all those others from some foriegn tribe. Maybe tomorrow. Right now i'm pretty happy lounging under this tree. Why don't you find your own tree to go lounge under? If you don't move I'll have to slit your throat. Ahh I guess not, my knife is all the way over there somewhere. Who knows where it is. I didn't put away last time I held it and thought of using it."

I think we should honor the lazy in this world. We could give them an award "Give-ups" (known as "The Givvies" because saying the whole thing is too much effort) for those who have shown excellence in not doing much of anything. I know in this highly competitive world the laziest of us are not helping reign in the most ambitious and ruthless of us, but if we all were like them maybe the world would be a better place and for that I salute you. Have a Givvie. You deserve it. You never invented the combustible engine or napalm--good show.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

More Parenting Questions to Resolve

So say you decide to have the kids. Do you move to a town with a good school system, or even better mortgage your future on highly ranked, very competitive private school? I say you move to a really, notoriously bad school district. You take the money you save on rent (or housing prices if you choose to buy) and get your kid a tutor (and hell you probably could get those tutors for free. Look at where you live). When your kids has great SAT scores and amazing GPA coming out of this horrible school district just watch the accolades and the scholarships roll in. Think of the self confidence your kids will exhibit knowing they are so far superior to their classmates. And because of the tutors they'll know all the stuff that the kids from Dalton know, but your kids won't be ravaged psychologically by growing up with cut throat competition. And speaking of cutting throats your kid will have street smarts. Your kids will probably know how to wield a knife and file the numbers off a gun. So if one of the Dalton kids start getting in your kids' face while at Yale your kids will be able to handle it, bad school district style. And what? Is the Dalton kid's parents going to sue? Sue for what you're from one of the shittiest places in America.

You want your kids to have a chance in this world you have two choices, one is full of stress and competition, and debt. The other is full of cheap housing, a bit of pollution and gang violence, but expectations set so low FDR could hurdle them.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

To Breed of Not To Breed?

In the modern era many of us actually decide whether or not to have kids, as opposed to just having them. We way the pros and cons. We think about the costs of raising kids, the time commitment, and possibly moving to a better school district. And of course we think about raising kids with the knowledge a global war over water and food supplies will probably occur in our offspring's life time.

It's this last question that is not as clear cut as the first three-- either you have the money or you don't, same with time, and do you really want to live in Greenwhich, Ct? But the inevitable war is more complicated. Do you want to have a child just to watch him/her die in a ruthless anarchistic war between the haves and have nots? Or do you have the kids knowing that by the time the war comes you will be old and somewhat feeble and need your youthful children to protect you or seize water and food for you? Then of course you have to consider will the conditions be so bad that your children won't help you. That helping you would compromise their own survival. How heart broken would you be to watch your own children betray you after you moved to boring ass Greenwhich, CT for them. Are those the type of ethics they teach up in that public school system? Nevermind that fact that you are going to starve to death or be eaten alive by crazy cannibals, hopefully those cannibals won't be your own children.

So do you have children and take the chance they'll leave you to die and all that money and time spent on them will have been for naught? Or do you just enjoy yourself now and start stockpiling water and weapons? Or do you first take psychology classes to learn how to successfully manipulate your children so that they will fight to death for your survival?

It is a tough question to answer. Similar to whether or not one should go to grad school.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Who's Ready?

As it is nowhere near Election time, we haven't even hit preseason football yet, I figured I join in with the mass media, and put my two cents in on the upcoming midseason elections. Many from the voting public think we need fewer lawyers in Congress and more business people. Now, I hate lawyers as much as the next person, I have worked for lawyers they're assholes. Lawyers seem to lack knowledge in people skills and social decency. But you know what lawyers do know law. And that's what Congress does they write laws. However, the argument is that government is inefficient and so we need to elect someone from the business world because business gets things done. Umm. I think what has happened is we have been out of work too long. I think we have forgotten how businesses work. Have any of you ever tried ordering office supplies? I have been hired to temp for years. I have been hired by these so called efficient companies to replace their full time employees, on a temporary basis, to basically check my email, gchat, plan a trip to Ireland and Scotland. Once I worked for a private hospital for a month and sat in a cube and rewrote a full length play. Do the people I replace work? If so then who is doing their job when I’m there? If they do work but others can do their job too why is the person hired? Or if they don’t work why were they ever hired? And please don’t stop hiring me or them we need money.
My other job (corporate mover, where I and others move employees of corporation from one location to another, sometimes just across the cube aisle—yes you definitely needed to hire three separate subcontracting firms for this –and again keep doing it I need the money.) Big organizations whether public or private are like Andre the Giant and don't move swiftly or with any efficiency. They need a like 4000 calories a day to do the same things we do on 2000 calories a day. Small things like Jackie Chan move with great efficacy. So basically I'm saying, Jackie Chan for congress in 2010. Or you know how about an accountant. Granted not great public speakers but they are pretty good at balancing the books.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Country vs. City

There are many things that city has going for it, such as being able to buy prepared food at 3am. But when it comes to the transporation the country has the advantage. Not that I'm a proponent for being stuck in one's car all day to get everywhere. However, when driving in your car if you pass someone you know you just honk and wave and go on your way to the work while reading your book and avoiding hitting school children. In the city no such luck. If you run into someone on your way to work you are taking the subway or the bus. Which means no reading for you. No listening to the podcast of Roman History, no sleeping. Because now you have to talk to this person until one of you reaches their stop. The sad part is neither one of you really wants to give up their commute time to talk to the other (it's not like one of you is desperate to run into a random acquaintance. It's not like you're stalking this person.). Social mores require you come up with conversation for your entire journey that could be nearly an hour depending on when you run into the person and how far you're traveling. God help you if you're traveling 8 miles to your destination that's an hour without the wait time in a city.

I feel city folk should adopt this new greeting to people they know when on the subway or bus. "Hi, I know you and glad we bumped into each other. I now feel connected to a community in this god forsaken place that is lonelier than the artic in a crazy irony. However, I would like to read the book I just overpaid for and perhaps write in my journal, maybe watch something on my ipod and finish my 9 mile commute with a nap. Please don't take my lack of wanting to chat personally, I think you're a fine person I just rather spend my commute time with non-human objects. if I were only going 3 stops I'd totally chat with you for the 10 minutes but we'll be crosssing over a body of water where we'll be stuck for train traffic ahead for a good 20 minutes before we resume moving. I just rather do other things than watch you feign interest.
You understand."

Thursday, July 01, 2010

See Live Comedy. Save a Nation.

Here is some world history. Prior to Adolph Hitler becoming the leader of Nazi Germany he was a painter. Unable to make a living at painting he turned to dictatorship. Before Fidel Castro ran Cuba he played professional baseball. Unfortunately, he never made it to the major leagues. Yes, the United States of America's major league baseball organization. So embittered by his crushed dreams he turned to communism.

These stories teach us two things. One, it's easier to become a dictator than to make a living doing something that you love. And two, if you want to fight Communism and Fascism maybe as a world society we shouldn't make it so hard for people to realize their artistic and sports career goals. What I'm saying is you people better start supporting my endeavors or I might have to take over a country and bend its people to my will. That country could be yours.