Thursday, April 28, 2005

In Central Park at Lunch

Just pondering on the idea of love, nothing fancy, grammatically correct, or necessarily humorous.

Talking on the phone last night with a friend the subject of love or seeking love came up. My friend is of the belief that you will find it when you are not looking for it. I feel this philosophy is an old wife's tale. Love is a necessity. To say you'll find it when you're not looking for it is to say to a hungry person you'll find food when you stop searching for it. Unless you are in some war torn country and fridgidares are falling from the sky, you need to put effort in to find food.

The other idea many of us have, including myself, about love--specifically romantic love--is that we give up on it completely, and decide to focus our energies on other things such as: career, hobbies, sports, creative endeavors, etc. I have personally tried this approach. Taking all that energy I spend worrying, pining, and sobbing about love and put it into comedy, writing, and karate. But it never works. First, off a person only has so much attention and effort to put towards a specific endeavors. It doesn't matter if there are 24 or 58 hours in a day. Secondly, those things such as career do not fill the same need. It's like being hungry and only drinking water, for a few days a you can put off starvation but eventually you'll die because you haven't taken in any nutrients. Our career and creative pursuits are good for us, but just like water are not enough. So after a week we have that longing feeling again.

What struck me today while I lay in the Central Park was that I do have love in my life. And most of us do regardless of our marriage or dating status. I feel the key is to put our energies into the relationships we already have. We have friends and family that care about us, whom we belong to, who need us and we need. Instead of focusing on the relationships we don't have, which may include a good parent relationship or sibling relationship we should (or at least I should you can do what you want.) direct our hunger for love to the areas of our life that already some vegetation. Make the time for people we have an affinity for and who reciprocate that affinity. Laugh over drinks or talk philosophy over ice cream with these people. Or even fight about politics.

Further, I think opening oneself up to the world might be a good way to go as well, albeit a completely petrifying act. And then the most scary part of all is to open ourselves up to the world. Strike up conversations with people that strike you. And, not for the purposes of finding a mate or a parent figure, but just because you think them interesting. You may only talk to them that one time or you may find a life long friend or anything in between.

I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about romance nor stop looking at boys with the idea of dating them. However, I think if I nurture the love I already have and open myself up to new possiblities of love, the fact that I don't have a specific type of relationship might not seem so sad. It's like I want a mint chocolate chip ice cream sundae with peanut butter and chocolate sauce (sounds gross but is so good), but if i can't have it I know that I do get to enjoy a healthy dinner. And maybe I'll even get a cookie.
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perhaps one day i'll rewrite this to be funny. it'll be wrought with irony and cynicism

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