Magic 8 Ball

Apparently the magic 8 ball can't devine shit. I might as well be praying to god. After my boyfriend didn't return an e-mail I sent him I asked the 8 ball if he was dead. The 8 ball replied, "yes." So I asked again this time I asked, "Is he literarly dead?" "Without a doubt," The 8 Ball answered. I asked one more time and again the 8 ball read, "signs point to yes." That evening I ran into my boyfriend. He was not dead. So I shot him. But it was in the shoulder, he's not dead at all.

Asked my magic 8 ball if it hated me. It responded, "without a doubt."