A Bull in a China Shop: My Mom Discount Shopping

One of my mother's bowls (for eating) broke a couple of weeks ago while I was visiting my parents' home. I was quickly blamed and reprimanded for the bowl breaking even though I did not break the bowl. My father broke the bowl. He accidentally hurled his body into the dish rack where the bowl was resting so it could dry. Seconds after my father's body collided with the dish rack the bowl flew off the kitchen counter and plummeted to the hard tile kitchen floor just like Newton predicted it would--Crack! Splat! Crack--followed by loud and soft obscenities from my father. My father's anger over the broken bowl seemed a little misplaced. It was only a bowl they have others that look just like it in the kitchen cabinet.

I helped my foul mouthed father clean up the shards of what once was a flower decorated bowl.

My mother arrived home and knew the bowl had been broken. How? I have no idea. I doubt my father would have mentioned it. I mean, he broke the bowl. And even if he was planning to frame for this bowl breaking incident I doubt he would have started by telling my mother. My father isn't one to tell my mother things. He buys TVs, cars, and other major purchases without telling her and just waits to see if she notices. Eventually, mom does notice and then my father denies the purchase. He'll claim that we've always had said car or TV. The only thing my father is fond of telling my mother is stories of his golf game and exaggerated army stories from 40 years ago. So if my father didn't tell her how did she know? The only explanation I can come up with is that my mother comes home from work each night, goes directly to the kitchen cabinet, and counts the bowls.

That day they were one short. Through an investigation my mother determined my father had caused the bowl to break, however, I was charged with one count of conspiracy to break the bowl and one count of accessory before the fact. Why? Because I had used the bowl and washed it. Yes, that's right this whole bowl fiasco was my fault because I didn't eat cereal and milk out of my hands.

"No." My mother said, "You don't have to eat out of your hands. What a mess that would make. You should have eaten out of the purple bowls in the other cabinet. I told you that."

It should be mentioned that I don't recall ever having been told about the purple bowl policy. Though, it seems over the years my mother has told me many things that apparently I don't remember. I testified, "I don't remember that."

"Well, I told you. This is why I don't want those flower decorated bowls used."

"If I had used the purple bowl there would have been a purple bowl broken."

"That would have been OK."

"I have a feeling that would not have been OK."

"The flower bowls are the good ones."


But I wasn't thinking "Fine." I was thinking why does she have bowls that aren't to be used. These bowls aren't even displayed in a china cabinet or anything. They are just in a kitchen cabinet not to be used. Why spend money on good China if you're not going to display it or more importantly use it for it's designed purpose?! I have no answer to this question. This is who my mother is. She's a crazy lady. A lady who once carpeted the staircase with carpet we were not allowed to walk-on. Going upstairs to bed every night was a feat. I have known this woman over 31 years and she defies explanation.

I was released with a warning.

She called me last week to let me know she had replaced the bowl. She lucked out while she was at TJ Max they had these flower bowls. Where it turns out she originally bought the bowls. That's right the good china comes from a discount clothing store. I can only imagine where she bought the purple bowls.


Calvin S Cato said…
I can identify with this story on so many levels it's scary!