Be Beautiful Like the Chasm

That's right you too can have a beautiful body like the body of water rushing through the Ausable Chasm, NY.
The Smallhands Ick scientists in our research and development department have hit upon a breakthrough in muscle development.
Have better looking abs in three weeks without going to a gym.
And the best part is it costs you nothing.
Cough your way to better looking abs. All you need is dirty tissue of a coworker or some reason to be in a public school and you can hack hack hack your way to abs of steel.
No more having to find the will power to go to the gym. No need purchasing wacky inventions off late night infomercials. No expensive painful surgery. The best part is the more ice cream you eat the more phlegm your body creates to keep the cough going all day long.
So don't waste the winter months in perfect health sitting on your butt waiting for the snow to melt. Start coughing today and by summer all your friends will be jealous of how great you look in that two piece. You'll have the body to match the beauty your summer vacation.