Some douchebag or douchebags stole my bike a week and half ago. The police of course are too busy with "real crime" like writing parking tickets and busting people who jump the turnstyle to find the culprits. What is a girl with no investigative skills to do?

I will drive a car. I will drive a car near and far. I will idle the car when not driving it. I will send as much carbon into the air as possible in hopes that the globe will warm, the sea levels will rise and my bike theif will drown in his/her apartment. I will drive my car so that New York City becomes as polluted as possible so that the thief will develop asthym or some sort of Cancer. And as we know if a car gets stolen the cops look for that.

Meanwhile here is some advice to legislative bodies around the country. Legalize drugs. Take the manpower you were using to hunt drug dealers and drug users, take the money from the taxes on the now legal drugs and find my god damn bike.