Sunday, May 30, 2010

A lot Competiton on Defensive End

There are many economists and politicians who like to espouse that free market competition is the best thing ever! These people we need competition for a healthy economy and a healthy nation. Perhaps. I don't know. What I do know is about sports and about children (sure I'm not good with kids but working with them 9 hours a week for six months you get to know them.)

Have you ever seen kids compete? I have. Because I make them do relay races in an effort to tire them out so I don't have to hear how bored they are. Also relay races are easy to explain than the improvisational concept of "yes and." You know what these kids do in a relay race? They cheat. They half-ass their duck walks, they don't do the requisite push-ups, and they run instead of skip. They don't care about integrity they just want to win. Sometimes I give incentives to winning like "The losing team has to do 10 push-ups" or "The winning team gets clean the desks with dangerous spray chemicals." (Hey kids love cleaning.) But even if I don't give an incentive these kids still cheat to win. Does that sound like any company you know that might have had it's mine collapse on 23 of its employees or a company that puts estrogen in the source of our drinking water?

Next you have sports. Unlike children I love sports. Recently the NY Giants drafted something like three defensive ends. They already have like 20 defensive ends. They're hoping to get the best out of the defensive ends they have by creating competition with the rookies. You know what happened the veterans began to pout. One is pretending he has a hip problem. Yeah. One might say they're acting like children.

Meanwhile, around the league-- oh hell in all of professional sports from cycling to baseball to curling-- professional athletes use steroids. The problem with steroids is that no one really knows the long term effects of steroids on the human body because those studies aren't really allowed funding. Despite the lack of information these people take all kinds of steroids and performing enhancing drugs even though they don't know what will happen to their own body. Why? Because they want to win and sign big contracts and endorsement deals. So if a person, who is a professional competitor, doesn't care about what happens to his/her body why would some entity like BP or Goldman Sachs care what happens to you? Or even to their shareholders.

Now, I'm not writing that I don't love freedom and want to see it ended, on the contrary, I love freedom. I hate people telling me what to do. Like that stupid crossing-guard at the school. She tells me I can't park my bike on the side of the street where the school is located. Why? Because the children may trip. You’re kidding me. I'm not parking my bike on the steps of the school, It’ll be locked to street sign. If the kids trip on my bike it’ll be because they walked into a street sign. The real reason the children will trip is because they're uncoordinated, little blobs who can't tie their shoes. Ridiculous.

What I am saying is that just like baseball players corporations should be made to pee in a cup. But unlike baseball the test results shouldn't be easy to fake. AND! I shouldn't have to pee in a cup because I do not play defensive end (I’m just a smidge too small) or pour toxins into drinking water.

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