Sunday, September 18, 2005

"Jesus Loves You"

I know all 17 of you reading have felt an emptiness these last 12 days or so. Well feel empty no more ladies and gents I'm back from my Central European travels and ready to resume blogging. Tomorrow a brand new post! However, while I get my NY life back in order how about another sketch from my Portland Underground Showbiz Society Y'll days.

JESUS LOVES YOU

A woman stands on the corner. She hands out pamphlets. She is a Jesus freak.

JESUS FREAK
Jesus died for our sins! Atone! Atone.
(Francesca and Mavis walk by. Jesus Freak speaks to them)

Jesus loves you.

FRANCESCA
Oh, oh no he doesn’t. That’s an unfounded rumor.

JF
Of course he does.

FRAN
No, I swear it’s just gossip.

JF
His love is not gossip. It’s no rumor. We feel it everyday once we accept him into your heart.

FRAN
You’re right. I am emotionally unavailable. None of my relationships ever work out. I have this big wall and I push people away…ah but ah trust me Jesus and I just not happening.

JF
Jesus loves everyone.

FRAN
What? Where did you hear that?

JF
It is his word. All are worthy of his love, if they ----

FRAN
That two timing…Who? Who who else is he seeing?

JF
He sees us all.

FRAN
You mean you too? I can’t believe. If he’d see you what does that say about me? That’s why he wanted to keep it quiet. It had nothing to do with his Dad’s temper and I my mom not being Jewish. He such a bastard. And you’re ok with this?

JF
I love and accept Jesus into my heart.

FRAN
So you’re not jealous?

JF
Jealous of Jesus?

FRAN
That he’s with every-body-else.

JF
That’s one of the things I love about him.

(in runs Mavis with a notebook)

MAVIS
Fran. Fran you left your notebook.

FRAN
Oh thanks.

MAVIS
(Reading the scribblings on the cover of Fran's notebook)
No problem Mrs. Jesus. Or is it Mrs. Francesca Jesus. Mrs. Christ.

FRAN
Shut up.
(she rips the notebook from Mavis’ hand. Fran runs away with her notebook.)

JF
(to Mavis)
Jesus loves you.

MAVIS
Nah, I’m not into do-gooders.
(exit Mavis)

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