She's Just Not That Into You (slightly fixed)
I was talking to my best friend Anna yesterday about today's post. When I told her the idea for today she told me, "Rachael, you're so lucky you have your boyfriend Jack. I could never have a blog."
"What? I have no idea what that means."
"Well, if I had a blog I'd probably write about bad dates I had and what not. I'd probably be hyperbolic about it. You know for theatrics? And then who knows. Maybe some dude or dudes who are interested in me would google search my name, find my blog, read the hyperbolic posts, and think I'm a total bitch, or some over emotional non rational feminist. I mean a guy could be interested in me. It's happened before. I'd hate to blow it with my creativity. However, since you have Jack you don't have to worry about how your blog posts might read to possible people who may or may not read it."
"Anna, would you really want to date someone who didn't get your sense of humor? I mean you're a comedian that's what you do."
"No, Rachael. You're the comedian. I'm a folk singer. I'm sincere, earnest, and angry. "
"Right."
"Well, I think you should post your female version of that stupid book. For all of us single girls who don't have the safety of a relationship."
And without further adieu...
I kind of had a change of heart about that book He's Just Not That Into You. I think it's great for men. Basically, if every woman reads the book then women will know the secret signals of men. If all the women know the secret signals then a man will never again have to send that awkward "I don’t think we should see each other again" email, or make that mendacious phone call, "I think you're great but I'm joining the monastery."
In the words of the Billy Jean--the legend not the Tennis Pro--"Fair is fair." I think men should have a book to read to gain insight into women's secret codes of "She's just not that into you." Until such a book is published the smallhands ick blog will take up the slack. Just send all unwanted gentlemen callers here to be set straight.
Because this isn't a book I will just list some signs that will tell a guy his date isn't into him.
1. If your lady friend suggest that you and she go meet up with her friends in the middle of your 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date she doesn't dig you. Men, do not go meet up with her friends. Pay for your share of the drinks and then conveniently remember you have to go wash your hair.
2. If your lady companion declines your invitation for dinner after you had a couple of drinks she's probably not into you. She's definitely not into you if she declines your dinner invite and the following factors are present: she knows you'll be picking up the tab, she hasn't eaten all day, and she lives below the poverty line. And no she doesn't have an eating disorder. If a girl really likes you she'll go to dinner with you even if she has an eating disorder. She'd be happy to watch you eat while she gnaws a on celery stick and drinks a glass of water with lemon.
3. If every time you tell her "I'm having a nice time," "I'm having a lot of fun, " or "I'm really enjoying hanging out with you" and all she does is nod slightly- hail a cab buddy and say you'd love to stay and chat but your appendix just ruptured.
4. ***This is a special case scenario*** Say you're on a date with a lady who is an artist of some sort. If she tells you you'll never inspire her work she is so not interested she doesn't even find you loathsome enough to bitch about you in her poetry. Further, even if she winds up sort of using you for a piece it's only because you probably did something really really irritating and she was having a slow week.
5. If the girl casually, and without neurosis tells you all about her emotional baggage and why she is bad in relationships she is not bonding with you. She is giving you a chance to run. (*Note: if she does it kind of neurotically she may actually really like you but you might want to reconsider asking her out again--unless you're into that kind of thing--I'm not here to judge--ok I am here to judge.)
6. If while you're meeting up with her friends, because you didn't go wash your hair (like a suggested in sign #1) and your date surreptitiously gives a cute slide flutist her card—you know that cute guy who plays the slide flute? Your date's friend Maggie had engaged the young man in conversation before you two arrived, but Maggie didn't have romantic or sexual intentions toward the flutist, giving your date the green light, because even though your date isn't into you doesn't mean she's some asshole who would block the box (that's the female cock block) of her good friend—the lady isn’t planning on going home with you.
(*Note: this one's tricky. Because if your date is doing something surreptitiously you might not catch it, so how could you know she's not into you? Fair enough. Just keep an eye out for that kind of behavior.)
7. If a girl responds to your post-1st-date follow up email with an email reading, "Thanks for the drinks. I don't think I feel it, though." Leave it at that. Be glad she didn't make up some story about how it's too soon for her to date since her last break-up. Do not bother the girl with an email asking for her to explain what exactly she didn't feel. But if you do and she responds with, "I don't want to have a sexual relationship with you. Neither of us can do anything about that." That's code for she doesn't find you attractive. And even if she's dated boys who might not be described as conventionally attractive. Like, say, they were balding, had blackened teeth and were borderline alcoholics, doesn't mean she's going to like you. There is a pheromone thing involved or that's what people tell themselves in order to sleep at night. Not that you would be privy to pictures of these gentleman callers. But maybe you heard a rumor or are an amazing stalker.
One more thing. If you have forced her to express her lack of attraction for you don't call her uptight. You asked for it. Not being attracted to you doesn't equal uptight. She might be uptight but that's not proof.
That's all I've got for you right now. It's a start. Here's to never having to be upfront with our disinterest in one another. Just read the signs people.
"What? I have no idea what that means."
"Well, if I had a blog I'd probably write about bad dates I had and what not. I'd probably be hyperbolic about it. You know for theatrics? And then who knows. Maybe some dude or dudes who are interested in me would google search my name, find my blog, read the hyperbolic posts, and think I'm a total bitch, or some over emotional non rational feminist. I mean a guy could be interested in me. It's happened before. I'd hate to blow it with my creativity. However, since you have Jack you don't have to worry about how your blog posts might read to possible people who may or may not read it."
"Anna, would you really want to date someone who didn't get your sense of humor? I mean you're a comedian that's what you do."
"No, Rachael. You're the comedian. I'm a folk singer. I'm sincere, earnest, and angry. "
"Right."
"Well, I think you should post your female version of that stupid book. For all of us single girls who don't have the safety of a relationship."
And without further adieu...
I kind of had a change of heart about that book He's Just Not That Into You. I think it's great for men. Basically, if every woman reads the book then women will know the secret signals of men. If all the women know the secret signals then a man will never again have to send that awkward "I don’t think we should see each other again" email, or make that mendacious phone call, "I think you're great but I'm joining the monastery."
In the words of the Billy Jean--the legend not the Tennis Pro--"Fair is fair." I think men should have a book to read to gain insight into women's secret codes of "She's just not that into you." Until such a book is published the smallhands ick blog will take up the slack. Just send all unwanted gentlemen callers here to be set straight.
Because this isn't a book I will just list some signs that will tell a guy his date isn't into him.
1. If your lady friend suggest that you and she go meet up with her friends in the middle of your 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date she doesn't dig you. Men, do not go meet up with her friends. Pay for your share of the drinks and then conveniently remember you have to go wash your hair.
2. If your lady companion declines your invitation for dinner after you had a couple of drinks she's probably not into you. She's definitely not into you if she declines your dinner invite and the following factors are present: she knows you'll be picking up the tab, she hasn't eaten all day, and she lives below the poverty line. And no she doesn't have an eating disorder. If a girl really likes you she'll go to dinner with you even if she has an eating disorder. She'd be happy to watch you eat while she gnaws a on celery stick and drinks a glass of water with lemon.
3. If every time you tell her "I'm having a nice time," "I'm having a lot of fun, " or "I'm really enjoying hanging out with you" and all she does is nod slightly- hail a cab buddy and say you'd love to stay and chat but your appendix just ruptured.
4. ***This is a special case scenario*** Say you're on a date with a lady who is an artist of some sort. If she tells you you'll never inspire her work she is so not interested she doesn't even find you loathsome enough to bitch about you in her poetry. Further, even if she winds up sort of using you for a piece it's only because you probably did something really really irritating and she was having a slow week.
5. If the girl casually, and without neurosis tells you all about her emotional baggage and why she is bad in relationships she is not bonding with you. She is giving you a chance to run. (*Note: if she does it kind of neurotically she may actually really like you but you might want to reconsider asking her out again--unless you're into that kind of thing--I'm not here to judge--ok I am here to judge.)
6. If while you're meeting up with her friends, because you didn't go wash your hair (like a suggested in sign #1) and your date surreptitiously gives a cute slide flutist her card—you know that cute guy who plays the slide flute? Your date's friend Maggie had engaged the young man in conversation before you two arrived, but Maggie didn't have romantic or sexual intentions toward the flutist, giving your date the green light, because even though your date isn't into you doesn't mean she's some asshole who would block the box (that's the female cock block) of her good friend—the lady isn’t planning on going home with you.
(*Note: this one's tricky. Because if your date is doing something surreptitiously you might not catch it, so how could you know she's not into you? Fair enough. Just keep an eye out for that kind of behavior.)
7. If a girl responds to your post-1st-date follow up email with an email reading, "Thanks for the drinks. I don't think I feel it, though." Leave it at that. Be glad she didn't make up some story about how it's too soon for her to date since her last break-up. Do not bother the girl with an email asking for her to explain what exactly she didn't feel. But if you do and she responds with, "I don't want to have a sexual relationship with you. Neither of us can do anything about that." That's code for she doesn't find you attractive. And even if she's dated boys who might not be described as conventionally attractive. Like, say, they were balding, had blackened teeth and were borderline alcoholics, doesn't mean she's going to like you. There is a pheromone thing involved or that's what people tell themselves in order to sleep at night. Not that you would be privy to pictures of these gentleman callers. But maybe you heard a rumor or are an amazing stalker.
One more thing. If you have forced her to express her lack of attraction for you don't call her uptight. You asked for it. Not being attracted to you doesn't equal uptight. She might be uptight but that's not proof.
That's all I've got for you right now. It's a start. Here's to never having to be upfront with our disinterest in one another. Just read the signs people.
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