Ah Choo!
It's freezing out. It has been for over a week now. I have had it. Last night I had to ride my bike to a show in park slope. It was too cold to ride my bike. When I got home my boyfriend Jack was there. He decided to stop by on his way home from work. I laid into him.
"Jack, where the fuck is the weather machine?"
(for background on the weather machine click here)
"Good to see you too."
"Oh don't give me that. I just pedaled my bike in the freezing cold. What happened to the weather machine?"
"I stored it at your parents' house."
"Well, go get it."
"Right now? At midnight, you want me to get on the subway to go to Port Authority, catch a bus to New Jersey, wake-up your parents, and bring the weather machine back?"
"Go tomorrow."
"I have to work tomorrow."
"You always have to work. If it's not raising money to save the one and half legged people of where ever the fuck?"
"Blatotuba"
"Who cares. Then you're helping NASA with satellite problems. You don't even work for NASA."
"They needed help."
"I need not to be freezing. The world will still be a mess after you bring the weather machine back from NJ. For once can I come first?"
"Don't give me that. I'm the one who's been wanting to live together and you keep telling me we're not ready."
"I'm not moving in with you just to save on rent."
"Well, Rachael, I thought you'd move in with me because you're in love with me and want a share your life with me. I guess I was mistaken."
"Oh don't pull that crap. I love you. I love my parents you don't see me living with them."
"Yeah, but you would move-in with them to save money."
"They're my parents they're supposed to take care of me."
"Rachael, you're going to be thirty."
"Oh that's not what I mean. You're not supposed to take care of me."
"Then why are you yelling at me to get the weather machine so you can bike around Brooklyn in winter?"
"Jack, the weather machine was a nice thing you did. It's doing me a favor. A nice gesture. I mean, you couldn't even make one of the 'I Love Jack' Shows.' I kept telling people you'd be there. For crying out loud, the show was named after you."
"What do you mean named? Past tense."
"Well, I'm meeting with Mike tomorrow to work on a new version of the show. I don't know that we're keeping the name."
"All because of the weather machine."
"NO! Because you put blind orphaned children trapped on a burning bus on the FDR before keeping your promise to me you'd make the show."
"I'm supposed to let them burn?"
"No. You're supposed to call the fire department and have them save the children. You're not a superhero. You are my boyfriend."
"Call the fire department? Really, the anarchist is telling me to call a government agency."
"First off, I'm an anarchist sympathizer. I'm too lazy to be an actual anarchist. I mean I vote. Anarchists don't vote. And. And. And, Jack, you're not an anarchist. You can call the fire department."
"So you want me to call the fire department more."
"Ugh. I want you to start delegating. There are people who get paid to do the jobs you are volunteering for. Just because I think you're great doesn't mean you're better at everything than everyone. Be my boyfriend."
"Well, I'm here now."
"Yeah...Ah choo."
"Bless you."
"Thanks. Ah choo."
"OK. I'll go and get the weather machine tomorrow."
"No. No. I don't need a weather machine. How about just a cup a tea. Ah choo."
"Oh, and Rachael?"
"Yeah."
"If someone loves you they can take care of you. They don't have to be your parents."
"Jack, where the fuck is the weather machine?"
(for background on the weather machine click here)
"Good to see you too."
"Oh don't give me that. I just pedaled my bike in the freezing cold. What happened to the weather machine?"
"I stored it at your parents' house."
"Well, go get it."
"Right now? At midnight, you want me to get on the subway to go to Port Authority, catch a bus to New Jersey, wake-up your parents, and bring the weather machine back?"
"Go tomorrow."
"I have to work tomorrow."
"You always have to work. If it's not raising money to save the one and half legged people of where ever the fuck?"
"Blatotuba"
"Who cares. Then you're helping NASA with satellite problems. You don't even work for NASA."
"They needed help."
"I need not to be freezing. The world will still be a mess after you bring the weather machine back from NJ. For once can I come first?"
"Don't give me that. I'm the one who's been wanting to live together and you keep telling me we're not ready."
"I'm not moving in with you just to save on rent."
"Well, Rachael, I thought you'd move in with me because you're in love with me and want a share your life with me. I guess I was mistaken."
"Oh don't pull that crap. I love you. I love my parents you don't see me living with them."
"Yeah, but you would move-in with them to save money."
"They're my parents they're supposed to take care of me."
"Rachael, you're going to be thirty."
"Oh that's not what I mean. You're not supposed to take care of me."
"Then why are you yelling at me to get the weather machine so you can bike around Brooklyn in winter?"
"Jack, the weather machine was a nice thing you did. It's doing me a favor. A nice gesture. I mean, you couldn't even make one of the 'I Love Jack' Shows.' I kept telling people you'd be there. For crying out loud, the show was named after you."
"What do you mean named? Past tense."
"Well, I'm meeting with Mike tomorrow to work on a new version of the show. I don't know that we're keeping the name."
"All because of the weather machine."
"NO! Because you put blind orphaned children trapped on a burning bus on the FDR before keeping your promise to me you'd make the show."
"I'm supposed to let them burn?"
"No. You're supposed to call the fire department and have them save the children. You're not a superhero. You are my boyfriend."
"Call the fire department? Really, the anarchist is telling me to call a government agency."
"First off, I'm an anarchist sympathizer. I'm too lazy to be an actual anarchist. I mean I vote. Anarchists don't vote. And. And. And, Jack, you're not an anarchist. You can call the fire department."
"So you want me to call the fire department more."
"Ugh. I want you to start delegating. There are people who get paid to do the jobs you are volunteering for. Just because I think you're great doesn't mean you're better at everything than everyone. Be my boyfriend."
"Well, I'm here now."
"Yeah...Ah choo."
"Bless you."
"Thanks. Ah choo."
"OK. I'll go and get the weather machine tomorrow."
"No. No. I don't need a weather machine. How about just a cup a tea. Ah choo."
"Oh, and Rachael?"
"Yeah."
"If someone loves you they can take care of you. They don't have to be your parents."
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