Friday, May 09, 2008

We The People Have Formed an Imperfect Union

I accidently posted this yesterday on my performance calendar.

I know what’s wrong with America. We’re a country of immigrants. You’re thinking, “Yeah. We rock! Immigrants, man. Immigrants are entrepreneurial. They’re go-getters. They are hard working, pull yourself up by your boot-straps, salt of the earth people.” Sure, I guess. But you know what they also are? Outcasts. The USA is full of people who descend from outcasts and weirdoes who are so strange and off putting that they couldn't merely move to the next village, region or even a neighboring country. They had to leave an entire continent and put an ocean between themselves and their homeland. For example, why didn’t the Irish just go to Scotland? I’ve never heard of the Scottish potato famine. Instead they journeyed for 3 months on leaky, disease-ridden boats to a place where the sun actually shines and in a time before the advent of sunscreen.

We got the freaks of the entire world melting in this pot—from Asia to Europe to Australia. What kind of degenerate gambler do you have to be to leave your birthplace to take a chance in place you know nothing about, you probably don’t speak the language, you don’t have any friends or family there. But fuck it you’re just going to roll the dice of life and hope you blew on them correctly.

Even the founders of this nation had no forethought. Everyone in England hated the puritans, the inventors of hall monitoring, because they were a buzz kill and self-righteous lot. So instead of trying to bend like a tree in the wind these iconoclasts sail to a continent that had no housing or plumbing. Who does that? Who decides to go camping for the rest of their lives? The Unabomber that’s who. And of course the Unabomber is from here. He was probably related to the pilgrims.

We are a nation of people who either abandoned their families for their own selfish, sociopathic needs or people who were so awful they were run not just out of town, but off a continent. Either way we’re blowing things up just like those kids in high school who don’t seem to fit in.

We the people of the United States are descendants from crazy, degenerate gambling, iconoclasts, who had no emotional ties to their friends and family. No wonder so many of our people don't believe in evolution. Who wants to think of we are made up of that genetic material. It's probably just best to believe genetic material doesn't exist. And that's my point. I'm not made for this environment. I'm allergic to it. Someone please hand me another tissue.

3 comments:

The Gentleman said...

I think you underestimate the motivating power of oppression. We're just as much a nation of Bill Gateses as a nation of Unabombers. We're the kid who got picked on and couldn't get a date in highschool so he had to start a company. Now we've got all the expensive toys and the cool kids in Europe are struggling to pay their bills.

U.S.A U.S.A. U.S.A.

Calvin S Cato said...

I will still continue to laugh at this joke...no matter how many times people interrupt you to yell about the NBA playoffs.

pconroy said...

For example, why didn’t the Irish just go to Scotland? I’ve never heard of the Scottish potato famine.

Yeah, like why don't we blame the victims of genocide...

The Irish didn't starve to death because there was no food in Ireland, they starved to death because grain and meat were forcibly exported to Britain during the famine years.

What a clueless, humorless moron you are!