Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Female Vote

I heard on the news that both the Democratic and Republican campaigns are looking to woo women voters meanwhle the Libertarians, Socialists, and Greens are keeping it bros before hoes.


As a woman I think the Republicans and Democrats both need to do alot more work to get entice those female voters. Now McCain had a decent idea by bringing Sara Palin to his ticket. We all know women will want you more when they see you with another woman. However, that usually only works if the women have had a relationship with you prior to you being seen in public with another lady.
So I'd like to make some suggestions for the Presidential Nominees.
1) Pretend to be gay. Go out there guys and camp it up. Women love a gay man. Women feel they can trust a Gay man because he doesn't want to sleep with her so what he says is pure. Lure your female voters into a false sense of security with a nice pink boa and maybe an airport bathroom incident. After you become president you can act as straight as you want.
2) Break up with female voters. Have yourselves a press conference and tell those female voters, it's just not going to work out. "It's not you gals. It's just that I don't think I can give you what you want. I can't give you education or healthcare. I can't committ to only you. I have big business campaign contributors to falate." Nothing gets a woman pining like a pre-emptive break-up.
3) Take the female voters to dinner. It's an age old practice that has been working for centuries. Obama and McCain stop asking women to pay for your campaign. Stop inviting them to dinners that cost $10,000 a plate and expecting them to pay. You guys have to start picking up the tab.
4) If your desperate put up an online profile and start soliciting women.
5) Lower your standards. Ugly women's vote count just as much as a pretty women.
6) If all else fails pick up a self help book or two. Men are from Mar Women are from Venus is a classic, and of course the new classic "The Pick Up Artist" maybe all you have to do is get a funny hat and insult your female constituency. That might be the best route you're half way there you just need the hat.



1 comment:

simon said...

Oh Rachael, I miss you. Nobody in Portland is funny.