The Starving Gourmet

In my 31 years on this planet I never related to those stereo-types of women potrayed by the media-- not after my batmitzvah, not after my first period, not after my first kiss, not even after my first time having sex. It wasn't until a few months ago when I moved in with my boyfriend Jack, after a billion years of us dating and him constantly suggesting we make the plunge, that I finally became a women. I women that you see talked about by stand-up comedians, and portrayed on sitcoms, a women that self-help books are marketed to--a real American women.

This has manifested itself in many ways, but I'd like to discuss the sex drive aspect of it. For years I've heard how women don't ever want to have sex and men want it all the time. This statement would have me yelling at the tv, "Women like sex! Women want to have it! Just not with you, chauvinsitic douche bag." And that was true then. I always wanted to have sex. Or so I thought.

You see, when you're single or just dating someone your opportunities for sex are limited, you have to jump at the chance when those chances come along. You could have several broken limbs and limited mobility but if sex is available you're all in. You never what's going to happen. I have had men, several weeks into a relationship, ask me on a date only to break-up with me in person. While, I appreciate the thoughtfulness and respect of telling me to my face and not a text message, I have since learned my lesson you might as well start the date with sex because you never know if you'll still be dating by the end of the evening. Start with dessert becauses there maybe no dinner, and this could be the last chance for chocolate chip cheesecake for months or years to come.

But then you move in with someone. You have a lease together for at least a year, or mortgage for a lifetime and that changes everything. The desperation you thought was your sex drive is gone. You look across the bed and you think, "We could have sex, but I'm tired and have to work tomorrow. Ahh forget it, he'll be here tomorrow, there's no rush. I should get my requisite 9 hours of sleep." 9 Hours! That's crazy right? It wasn't too long ago you were willing to go to work on 3 hours sleep and in the same clothes you were to work the day before.

I guess I learned. I starving person might eat truffles but that doesn't make him a gourmet.


Nina Paley said…
Oh my, I can relate to that.

I'm amazed that anyone wants to have sex with their domestic partner. And that your sex partner and your domestic partner (if you have one) are supposed to be the same person. Who thought that up?