Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Type A Enjoyment

Here in the NYC area it has rained what feels like 75 of the last 28 days of June. That's the thing with grey skies and rain it slows the experience of time so that June has felt as if lasted two months instead of one. Rain is depressing. Constant rain is anyway. But you know what's worse? That one or first sunny day after weeks of rain. There is so much pressure.

That one sunny day can mind fuck you good. Because you don't know if this is the only sunny day for another three weeks of rain or the reign of rain has ended. And with that uncertainty comes a lot of pressure. If this is the only sunny day i better go outside and enjoy it. I have to get to the park. I'll skate or bike. But god I'm so tired. I haven't been sleeping well because of the depression by the rain and I am out of shape because I've been in doors for a month. What if I nap in the park the does that count as enjoying the rays and the outdoors? I have work to do too. This sun has come at the most inopportune time.. Well, I guess I can bring my laptop out to the park. Oh dear, i can't read the screen with the sun glaring. I'll write in my journal. And I'll bring a book to read, Reading always feels productive. God all this crap is heavy. But I have to get out there, this might be my only chance to get a tan all summer.

This lone sunny day is making me feel like a failure. I am failing at being merely outside. I'm not getting all I could get out of it. If only it were raining I could stay inside and watch a movie.

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