Yesterday, my mother asked me if I was happy that the Jets were in the playoffs. She said, "I know the Giants are out of it, but the Jets being in it, does that cushion the blow? Are you excited about it." Sports fans know that this is a ridiculous question. But my mother is not a sports fan and I appreciated her trying to relate to her daughter. So I in turn tried to answer the question in terms my mother would understand.
"Mom," I said. "I don't have any problem with the Jets I'm happy for my friends who are Jets fans. But no other team can fill the void the Giants left in me this season by stinking. It's kind of like if you had to marry the butcher instead of Dad. Sure, you know the butcher a little bit and he seems like a nice guy. You have nothing against the butcher, granted you haven't patronized the butcher in 26 years, but that was just because you weren't into buying meat from a specialized meat store anymore. The thing is you would much prefer to marry Dad, who some say you love, Ithink you are one of those people who say you love him, but if Dad had no pass rush and couldn't cover wide recievers or tight ends and therefore wasn't available for marriage, you would marry the butcher, because you are a person who likes the idea of being married. You wouldn't be overjoyed at marrying the butcher, not the butcher's fault you just like Dad better, but Dad couldn't really run the ball so you marry the butcher. That's like Jets. I'll root for them because I'm a person who likes to watch football and pick a side, but I probably won't yell at the TV while I'm watching. And just as if the Butcher left you a couple of years after your marriage you'd probably say, 'Eh, oh well, I guess I'm single again.' I too wouldn't be very upset if the Jets lost this week."
And for the first time mom and I understood each other (except for the part about the wide recievers and pass rush.)