Monday, October 20, 2008

New Drug Yet Found. Lobbyinst already in Washington to Oppose non-Existent Drug

From the FN** wire.

Cubicle in NYC

According to a MSN.com article scientist have found a chemical in Voles that may cause love sickness in said animals. Scientists think that the same chemical may also be found in humans after a break-up with a romantic partner causing the same love sickness in the primate. The report also proposed that a possible drug could be created to inhibit the “love sick” chemical from being produced.

In related news the music industry’s top studios formed a coalition to lobby for the prohibition of any such drug’s manufacturing and sale. The music industry that has been in a slump this past decade believes that the elimination of depression due to love would basically wipe them all out of business. “Not only would production of original recordings decrease sharply—possibly all together—who would buy any of our classic artists like Jeff Buckley if the populous doesn’t get to experience self-pity and heart wrenching emotional pain due to the rollercoaster ride we know as love?” Said an un-named music executive Rachael created out of thin air while reading online publications in her cube on Monday. T

The new music industry coalition named S.I.N,G. (Stop Interfering Now God Damn it!) has also pooled it’s executive resources to buy shares in poppy fields, coco farms, and marijuana brushes in a similar effort to keep Americans producing pop music and consuming pop music.

Answering the question why are you making up a news story she asked herself, Rachael replied, “Several reason. First I really don’t want to work on this stupid filing project they have me working on here. Second, I did read that article on the Vole and the possibility of drug – granted I didn’t finish the article—and the idea scared me. I was reminded of Brave New World’s soma. Third, I haven’t had an idea for my blog in a few days and this is the closest thing to a comedic idea I’ve had. If I don’t post my already dwindling bloggership will dwindle even further. And fourth, don’t you agree if there was no heart-ache there’d be a lot less art and a lot less for humans to commune with each other about.”

When asked what about hating your job? Isn’t there a lot of art and human communing done regarding the miseries of working? Rachael admitted, “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

**FN equals fictitious news.

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