Defending Against the Rooster

Last week I played a gig on the Island of long and I heard a dude, seemingly a native of the land, wax on about the ladies who “cock block.” For those of you not familiar with the term “cock block” is basically defined as the following: a person or thing that thwarts the success of a man bedding another person, usually a woman. That someone or something has in effect (from the man’s perspective) blocked the man’s cock from getting into another person or more near to another person. An example of something might be a wedding ring or a Swastika tattoo. Frequently, though, these men don’t blame there lack of success with the ladies on things they usually blame it on the friend of the lady the man is pursuing, and usually these men describe the friend as “fat” This long island guy was no different. His pedantic ramblings on the “fat friend cock block” made at this ignorance. I have heard it too many times and I would like to not hear it any more. So, today I choose to enlighten my backwards baseball cap wearing brothers in attempt to end the spreading of this urban legend of the “fat friend cock block.”

First, ladies don’t traditionally travel in pairs. Women have been known to travel in pairs but no exclusively. Women will travel in groups of 3, 4 or more. And sometimes female humans will travel alone (yes, even to a bar or nightclub.) Second, women don’t seek out friends with the opposite body type as themselves. A 400lb lady isn’t looking for a 90lb friend nor vise versa. Though, those two women might be friends with each other, however as stated before they probably won’t just go out the two of them all the time.

Third, and this deserves its own paragraph because it is the most important part, women like sex. Women also don’t discourage one another from having sex. In fact when women spend a night on the town, they are usually themselves on the prowl for men. Women will encourage their friends to get numbers, and go home with men. However, if you a man is talking to a lady and she doesn’t like him and his opinion that Sylvester Stallone is the greatest American actor alive, “though, Dinero’s good too.” The lady will probably turn to her friend and widen her eyes and roll her eyeballs slightly in an upper left direction. This indicates to the friend or friends that the lady and would like help discarding him. The friend will come over and run interference. A friend will not encourage a lady to go home with a guy she doesn’t like, only men she is on the fence about. Now, is this friend fat? Probably not. But in fairness to the horny gentleman he has been drinking and probably got the lady’s friend confused with his own girthful buddy who struck- out all night with the girls and began talking the gentleman’s ear off.

In conclusion, true female friends don’t sabotage each other in the pursuit of sex, the aid, ebbed, and encourage. So if I some “fat chick” starts talking to you and or being rude and demanding her friend leave with her, after you’ve been talking to the “hot one” that means the hot one doesn’t like you.


Allison said…
I like the title of this entry.

Also, to your point, who would sleep with a guy who uses the word "cockblock" in a non-ironic way? Cause eeeewwwwwwww.
rachael said…
It's funny, and then we wonder why women date "schlubby" men. These are our options: Arrogant pricks who think they don't get laid because they've been "cock blocked" or slouching, unemployed guys who like video games. At least the slouching guy is too lazy to hit you.
Christina said…
There's an old woman at work who constantly cock blocks me at the copy machine when I try to flirt with the hot guy there.
rachael said…
I believe we call that "blocking the box."