Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Of Coarse Don't Dance to Kenny Loggins, But Dance!

I usually don’t endorse political candidates on this blog, and today is no exception. Today I will non-endorse Rudy Giuliani for president because I believe him to be friggin’ crazy. I think he is delusional. I came to this conclusion after studying him for a number of years while he was the mayor of New York City. I noticed that he thinks he is the fictional character Reverend Shaw Moore from the movie Footloose.

While mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani decided to enforce antiquated anti-cabaret laws that had never been repealed. I believe the laws were first put on the books to combat the speakeasies of the prohibition era. Then prohibition was lifted and NYC forgot about the cabaret laws until Giuliani.

Just like Rev. Shaw Giuliani didn’t want the people in his community dancing. (And just like Rev. Shaw had a shitty relationship with his kid. Rudy’s kid wasn’t allowed to go to the prom with Kevin Bacon either.) In fact Rudy tried to shut down night clubs that had cabaret licenses and therefore were legally allowed to have dancing customers. Rudy’s excuse was that there were drugs being dealt inside the clubs. I say this was an excuse and not a valid reason because there was cocaine being dealt on Wall Street and he didn’t shut down the New York Stock Exchange. Why? Because coked-up stock brokers don’t dance. There were also drugs being in dealt in Thompson Square Park but he didn’t shut down the park because heroin addicts can’t motivate themselves to dance.

Now, it is one thing to be a fictitious reverend in a fictitious small, middle-American town in a 1980s Kevin Bacon vehicle and outlaw dancing. It is entirely another thing to be a real, live mayor of the largest city in America and war against dancing. The first one doesn’t effect anyone’s lives and can’t run for president, the latter is crazzzyy.

There will be a lot of issues brought up this primary season like how many spouses did the candidate have, how would the candidate torture a terrorist, who’s the funniest on the Daily Show, or who is most religious. We know one thing. Giuliani is not a good Christian. Which is proven by Footloose’s Wren when he reads from the bible, “Leaping and dancing before the Lord.”

Do you really want a heathen as your president?

4 comments:

Allison said...

I really liked this post (I wish the line about heroin addicts could somehow fit on a t-shirt) but my comment is not really related to it.

Have you ever been in an elevator that has one of those little video screens that displays news headlines, weird facts, weather, TV listings, etc.?

The building I'm temping at has one, and for some reason every time I'm in the elevator I wish that you would write a song about the little video screen. How it's kind of annoying but kind of great too. For some reason, I think you would do a good job with that song.

rachael said...

you are adorable. I wish I was lovable as you.

Allison said...

Wow, thanks!!! Next time I send out a packet to get an audition somewhere, I am totally putting that on my "review quotes" page. (If it was sarcasm, don't tell me!)

greenparty said...

Ralph Nader for President!