Thursday, July 26, 2007

I Really Don't Know. But I Wrote It Down Anyway

Many years ago I walked through the streets of Boston with some friends. A pick up truck filled with 20-something men pulled up along side of us and honked. I thought, they were honking for us to get out of their way. So I said, "Hey, I'm walking here, fuck you!" To which my friend said, "I think he was honking because he thought you girls were cute." Oops. The young men in the truck got mad at me for yelling at them and said, "Fuck you! You Whore!" To which I retorted, "I might be a whore but I'd still never sleep with you." Now of course since I hadn't had sex yet, I wasn't a whore, but there wasn't time to debate the finer points of their argument.

It was this incident that has inspired me to date men who would be judged by most other people to be undateable. I date these undatable men, take a picture of us together, print the picture out and attach the man's biography to the back. Then when some date-rapist frat boy says something asshole-ish I pull out the picture and say, "These are the men I date and I wouldn't date you, because you are so much more awful." If he says, "That guy doesn't look so bad." I flip the picture over and say, "Read this."

The frat boy is then horrified, "Wait, I at least have a college degree. This dude didn't finish college and now works in a pharmacy in New Hampshire." And I tell him, "Yes you are such an asshole that you need to get a doctorate to even compare to this emotional cripple with no prospects. Good day, sir"

Then he says, "Bitch."

And then I jump on his back and wrestle him to the ground and I say, "Don't fucking call me that I'll kill you." After the frat boy has been subdued I get up from the floor, finish my drink and find a guy who doesn't find the behavior I just exhibited worrisome.

1 comment:

newbluebaby said...

My undateable glossies come in wallet size as well.