Tuesday, July 10, 2007

More Civil History

I played a show in West Virginia this past weekend, though, if anyone asks from work I was sick at home with a stomach virus. The set started out well but at some point careened of course and I wound up discussing the mid1990's epidemic in NJ of Prom babies.

Basically, girls would give birth to babies in bathroom stalls where they were attending their Prom and then go back out on the dance floor as if nothing had happened. I felt really bad for those girls because the Prom is all about having sex, and you know how hard it is to get a guy to sleep with while your menustrating nevermind right after you've given birth. If only those girls could have kept their water from breaking a few days longer they wouldn't have been so disappointed.

I concluded my little PSA about NJ to the West Virginians with, "that's Jersey for you." Someone in the audience retorted, "Pff. Hell, this is West Virginia." I took it to mean that he thought West Virginia was worse than NJ. I felt bad. I wanted these people to feel good about their home state so I told them, "Yeah man, I have to tell you. I don't know why people rag on West Virginia. You guys are awesome. You basically said, 'Fuck you Virginia we're going to be a free state. We don't want slaves so we're suceding your suceding asses!' And for that people say you sleep with your siblings and that's bullshit." Now, my statement may or may not have been funny, but I thought maybe it would get some kind of vocal support or an applaud. However, the West Virginians just stared blankly as if they were a little dead inside. I think the problem was they didn't know why they were West Virginia.

In a great irony by knowing less the West Virginians squashed my thesis and won the debate, proving once and for all West Virginia is worse than NJ.

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