"Kicked it in the Sun"

It's been hot out there these last couple of days. People are saying that we should get used to it because once global warming hits, everyday will be over 90 degrees Fahrenheit. I find that way of thinking offensive. I say, “We're Americans and since when do Americans take threats to our way of life lying down?” It's a fact that the sun is threatening our freedoms: our freedoms to live above sea-level, to drive a car instead of doggy paddling to work, and to watch TV in the winter without noise interference from the air-conditioner. Well, America I think you know what we have to do. We have to attack the sun. We need to form a cohesive and intelligent military campaign to crush the sun into a dense black hole where it will not be able to escape itself. The Sun has threatened global warming for the last time! The sun has been very clever with its PR campaign steering the global warming blame away from itself and onto the innocent automobile and human energy consumption. I say pshaw. I see through your game, Sun. Answer me this: What consumes more energy than the sun? And unlike cars the Sun never gets turned off. Even when it's dark outside the sun is still cooking some part of our globe and that of 7 other planets--plus Pluto. You see, people, it's not just our freedom we're defending but the freedoms of all planets in our solar system. Maybe even everywhere. I've started fighting the sun on my own. I put a silver reflective visor in the windshield of my parked car. Not only does the visor reduce the global warming of my car, but it reflects the sun's rays right back at the sun. "Take that you ball of gas! How do you like a taste of your own medicine?" But America, I'm only one person with one car that isn't even mine. I can't defeat the Sun alone. I need a lot more Americans to buy a lot more cars to put a lot more reflective windshield visors up. Please, contact your congressperson and President Bush and demand our way of life be preserved. We must, as Americans, invade and conquer the sun.