Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Election Day--Week Ago

In honor of Election Day a week ago, (yes, I'm a holiday behind, for Thanksgiving I'll write something about Veterans Day.) I would like to explore the problem with contemporary voting strategies.

The US Citizenry seems to vote not for the political candidate they admire most or agree with most, but with the candidate they think has the ability to beat the candidate they detest the most. Voting this way is the nutritional equivalent to eating kidney beans because you hate soy beans al grout on, and the only thing that will give you the same protein as the nasty soy beans al grout on your mom prepared are those lame tasteless and yet slightly nauseating kidney beans your father prepared. You forget you get have some fish. Some delicious fish, because you're not like your a vegetarian like your sister (most people aren't vegetarians) nor are you crazy like your brother with his oedipal complex who will eat anything your mother has prepared. You enjoy fish, which has wonderful grams of protein and Omega-3 oils. Yeah, sure there is some mercury in there and fish is more expensive then beans and you shouldn't buy fish on Sundays, but it tastes so much better than beans and nothing is perfect.

Unfortunately, you won't buy the fish because no one else in your family has expressed an interest in eating fish. They think fish is gross. If you pick a bean than at least you can split the costs of your food with two other people or actually you'd force the whole family to eat kidney beans, which you don't even like yourself, you just like dislike them less than you dislike the soy bean al grout on. Your mother keeps telling you how alone you'll be with your fish, how costly it will be if you buy and eat the fish. The truth is your mom and your dad are scared your fish eating might influence your brother and sister to start eating fish or even worse start finding protein from other sources. Than your parents will only be cooking for themselves and everyone knows the joy of cooking is cooking for other people. Only problem is your parents forgot that the real joy is cooking healthy foods that people enjoy not just healthy foods that make you throw up. Your parents don't care about you, they only care about who has the power over the kitchen. And it's funny that your parents have this very antagonistic relationship and yet they're still married living under the same roof. Hmmm.

I'm not saying that if you start eating fish the rest of your family will become fish eaters and give up on two of the worst tasting beans grown on Earth (that I can think of with out doing research), but when one fifth of their family starts eating fish the two chefs vying for control of the kitchen might include some fish with their bean recipes. And there is always the chance that you get control of the kitchen and make everyone eat fish for a while. But no one will ever no that you like fish and want fish unless you start eating fish.

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Shows this week:

Inner Monologues: Tuesday, Rapture Cafe 7:30pm (will my peice be funny enough to justify my snarkiness?)

In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series: Thursday, Happy Endings Lounge 8pm (Monthly Show Produced by Rachel Kramer Bussel this month it's her special birthday show)

Laugh Out Loud: Saturday, Time Out New York Lounge 10pm (stand-up show)

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