Joseph Heller + My Mother + Self Pity = Me

Here's my question to you all: Do you ever think of killing yourself to make other people feel bad? You think, "Hey I'm going to kill myself and then they'll feel bad that they missed the warning signs and didn't do something to save me. They'll be riddled with guilt the rest of their life blaming themselves." And of course in the note you would blame your them you'd write, "If only Sensei gave me an award at the karate banquet maybe I would have felt like my life was worth living, but I guess we'll never know now. And when your friends tell you not to blame yourself, that this isn't your fault let me tell you write now in this letter that it is. You and all the people I've ever been somewhat friendly with are to blame. I'm not going to spare your feelings just because I'm dead."

The only problem with killing yourself as a passive agressive attempt to make people feel shitty, which is then supposed to make them treat you better is that you're dead. Therefore, you can't see the guilt ridden look on their faces. Of course you could try to fake your death--fake the suicide. But after the funeral and what not when you come out of hiding everyone is going to be really pissed at you for faking your death and making them feel bad about your strained relations, then they'll have real cause to be shitty to you. Sometimes suicide is a "Catch-22."