Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Playoff Time is the Most Wonderful Time of Year

As a comedian it is my duty to point out the difference between men and women. Over the years I have struggled to come up with much. Sure men and women excrete liquid waste through different looking equipment, men tend to be larger than women, men are more likely to go bald, and women birth baby humans, but those are all pretty self-evident. Regular humans don’t need comedians to point those things out.

Feeling dejected. Feeling like I’d never make it as a comedian because of my lack of ability to see the difference between men and women it hit me like a 260 lbs halfback barreling through the offensive line into 230 lbs linebacker. Yes, men and women are fans of American Football in different ways.

My friend Hilary and I were talking about football. She told how she used to follow the sport back when she was in DC, but over the years her interest has faded. Though, she admitted that after seeing a picture of Aaron Rodgers she could find herself interested in the game. I guess her interest in football these days is much like 22 year old boys’ interest in women’s tennis. Back in the day Hilary liked the Denver Broncos because of their great uniforms. “They were bright orange that fabulously shouted, ‘The Broncos are here!’ Now the uniforms are that drab navy.” I had to admit that I’m not much of a Broncos fan. In fact I used to hate the Broncos when I was in high school. The boy I liked in high school was a Denver Broncos fan. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a fan of the idea of dating me. Oh the agony! So of course I always routed against his team on Sundays in hopes they would lose and he would feel just a little bit of the pain and disappointment I felt every school day in English class.

Now, I’m not saying women can only follow cute boys and uniforms. I can identify and define the following: screen passes, delayed hand-offs, delayed blitzes, zone blocking, hitting the gaps, flee flickers, prevent defense, and the like. But I can also identify which guys playing are most likely not to take no for an answer and which ones are in the closet and why the Giants should never wear those red away jerseys again.

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