Capacity to Love? Hmm?
My friend Auggie once told me, actually he tells me everytime I see him, that I'm not capable of love. I always laugh. He's a comic I figured he was kidding. But then last night I realized Auggie might be right--I'm not capable of love. I reached this ephinany while watching the movie Yentl. PBS aired the film the other night. (God, that movie could be so good, if Barbara Streisand had nothing to do with it.)
For those not familiar let me give youa brief plot summary. Yentl, a woman pretending to be a man in order to study the Torah, Talmud and other Jewy books, marries a woman. And not just any woman, but the woman Mandy Patinkin is in love with. The hijinx don't stop there. Yentl, as a man, is best friends with Mandy, and Yentl has a huge crush on him. It's all very "Mid Summer Nights Dream" meets "No Exit" meets "Tootsie." One thing leads to another and the woman, played by Amy Irving, is not allowed to marry Mandy. So Mandy convinces the male Yentl to marry Amy so Mandy can spend time with Amy. It's all very "Days of Our Lives" meets "Dynasty." And Yentl marries the chick.
I found Yentl's actions utterly selfless. I could never marry Amy Irving, or any woman for that matter, so that the man that I love could be with her. Which in turn means I don't love him, so you'd think I wouldn't care if Mandy Patinkin wanted another woman, and therefore would marry a chick--especially if I was trying to pass myself off as a man in 19th century Eastern Europe. (No offense women, I would also wouldn't marry a man for the man that I love. No offense men, I have trouble marrying.)
I don't like to think I lack the capacity for love. The thought keeps me up nights. In order to get to sleep I thought of this possiblity. Maybe I can love. Maybe I love myself. Maybe I can love myself and simultaneously love Mandy Patinkin. Like a 19th century Mormon loves all his wives simultaneously or the way a mother loves both her sons. So it's posible that I can love myself and a romantic partner. Which means I want us both to be happy, but sometimes people's pursuits for happiness can conflict. For example, I want to be with my romantic interest and he wants to be with Amy Irving. If he's with Amy he can't be with me, not the way I want him to be with me, which would make me sad. So whose side do I take? I have to take mine. I've known myself longer. Me and I have been through alot together-like middle school. Which means Amy Irving has to disappear. She must vanish preferably in the middle of the night. She'll leave a notem, in block lettering, explaining she hates being Jewish and has run away with the circus. She'll go on to demand that we never look for her or think of her again. "So it shall be written so it shall be done" She'll be sure to mention in this letter her demands go doubly for my boyfriend.
For those not familiar let me give youa brief plot summary. Yentl, a woman pretending to be a man in order to study the Torah, Talmud and other Jewy books, marries a woman. And not just any woman, but the woman Mandy Patinkin is in love with. The hijinx don't stop there. Yentl, as a man, is best friends with Mandy, and Yentl has a huge crush on him. It's all very "Mid Summer Nights Dream" meets "No Exit" meets "Tootsie." One thing leads to another and the woman, played by Amy Irving, is not allowed to marry Mandy. So Mandy convinces the male Yentl to marry Amy so Mandy can spend time with Amy. It's all very "Days of Our Lives" meets "Dynasty." And Yentl marries the chick.
I found Yentl's actions utterly selfless. I could never marry Amy Irving, or any woman for that matter, so that the man that I love could be with her. Which in turn means I don't love him, so you'd think I wouldn't care if Mandy Patinkin wanted another woman, and therefore would marry a chick--especially if I was trying to pass myself off as a man in 19th century Eastern Europe. (No offense women, I would also wouldn't marry a man for the man that I love. No offense men, I have trouble marrying.)
I don't like to think I lack the capacity for love. The thought keeps me up nights. In order to get to sleep I thought of this possiblity. Maybe I can love. Maybe I love myself. Maybe I can love myself and simultaneously love Mandy Patinkin. Like a 19th century Mormon loves all his wives simultaneously or the way a mother loves both her sons. So it's posible that I can love myself and a romantic partner. Which means I want us both to be happy, but sometimes people's pursuits for happiness can conflict. For example, I want to be with my romantic interest and he wants to be with Amy Irving. If he's with Amy he can't be with me, not the way I want him to be with me, which would make me sad. So whose side do I take? I have to take mine. I've known myself longer. Me and I have been through alot together-like middle school. Which means Amy Irving has to disappear. She must vanish preferably in the middle of the night. She'll leave a notem, in block lettering, explaining she hates being Jewish and has run away with the circus. She'll go on to demand that we never look for her or think of her again. "So it shall be written so it shall be done" She'll be sure to mention in this letter her demands go doubly for my boyfriend.
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Britt