The Scare
The other night Desiree Burch and I were discussing irrational pregnancy fears. We supposed that every woman, not just us, have thought ourselves pregnant when there was very little reason, if any, to think motherhood had been thrust upon us. Or in us--hello. Rim shot.
I remembered this one particular scare. I had been seeing a boy for a month or so and the next thing you know I'm two days late. I was trying to be rational. I knew based on our activities together is was pretty unlikely I was preggers, so I decided to keep my fear to myself. I met up with him one evening to discuss some kind of relationship bullshit. I said, "I have to talk to you." He turned me and said, "What? Are you pregnant?" "Why? Did you have a dream that I was pregnant? Oh man."
"What?"
"I wasn't going to say anything, but if you had a dream about it then I probably am. Dreams are psychic indicators of what's to come. Like this one time when I was a kid I had a dream that the couch of the beach house we'd rent one week every summer was moved to a different wall of the house. When we arrived at the beach house...IT HAD BEEN MOVED TO ANOTHER WALL!!! Now you've had this dream we're doomed. Doomed!"
"I didn't have a dream."
"No?"
"No."
"Oh, well, ah let's forget everything I said."
"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Talk to you about? When? Oh now, hells if I remember."
I remembered this one particular scare. I had been seeing a boy for a month or so and the next thing you know I'm two days late. I was trying to be rational. I knew based on our activities together is was pretty unlikely I was preggers, so I decided to keep my fear to myself. I met up with him one evening to discuss some kind of relationship bullshit. I said, "I have to talk to you." He turned me and said, "What? Are you pregnant?" "Why? Did you have a dream that I was pregnant? Oh man."
"What?"
"I wasn't going to say anything, but if you had a dream about it then I probably am. Dreams are psychic indicators of what's to come. Like this one time when I was a kid I had a dream that the couch of the beach house we'd rent one week every summer was moved to a different wall of the house. When we arrived at the beach house...IT HAD BEEN MOVED TO ANOTHER WALL!!! Now you've had this dream we're doomed. Doomed!"
"I didn't have a dream."
"No?"
"No."
"Oh, well, ah let's forget everything I said."
"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Talk to you about? When? Oh now, hells if I remember."
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