Career Day

As I head into my fourth decade on the planet I'm changing career directions. Temping just hasn't been as rewarding as I hoped it would be. I've decided to become a philanthopist. My first order of business is to learn how to spell my new career. Once I open a dictionary or copy and paste this post into Word and it corrects my spelling I'll be on to phase two: marry a professional football player.

My plan goes like this. I marry a professional football player, preferably a New York Giant. After I marry one of these modern day gladiators I have sex with him. I then find myself pregnant and then give birth to a child with some brand new genetic disorder. A genetic disorder probably brought on by the varying chemical cocktails my new husband has been ingesting since high school. These chemical cocktails, which made man stronger and faster than he would have been sans the cocktails, altered his sperm thereby producing a genitically mutated child who probably will have enlarged forehead and doughy cheeks. I then will spend the rest of my days raising money to find a cure for the new genetic disorder my lovable child suffers from. I'll raise this money all from my mansion in NJ or penthouse in NYC, that is as long as I marry Giant. If I marry a dude from some other team my mansion will be located somewhere else.