Monday, September 10, 2007

Self Indulgent II: Electric Boogaloo

Monday evening as I rode my bike home over the Manhattan bridge my mind began wondering to obsessive thoughts. My legs pedaled my bike as my mind thought of mean yet obsficated things to say to a dude I know who attended a party I also attended a week ago. At the actual party the dude ironically and awkwardly suggested that next time Charles and I produce a show he should be on it. My retort was lame. But today I present to you the better more thought out retort. In my head the retort takes place in front of other party goers who are able to decipher metaphor.
"You want to be on the show? I don't know that I can trust that you'd actually perform on the show. I mean you seem like the kind of guy who doesn't finish what he starts and then gets mad everyone else for your own lack of follow through or stamina. I could just see you inviting me to hike the Grand Canyon with you. I of course would hop at the chance to to hike the Grand Canyon. I would purchase a plane ticket out to Flagstaff, AZ for a couple of hundred dollars and then drive up to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon where we would meet up to begin our hike. The hike would be going well, we'd be having fun seeing the beuatiful vistas but then not even half way down you'd get tired. You'd say, 'I can't go on. I'll never make it back up this canyon. I have to stop, rest, and turn around.'"
"Now, of course that's fine. I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do like some rapist. You stop. But I'm not tired. You invited me out to AZ to hike the Grand Canyon and I want to finish. It would have been cooler to have someone to finish with, but if I must I'll go it alone because I have the cardio-vascular wearwithall to continue."
"Any reasonable person would be fine with this arrangement. But I can tell you are not a reasonable man, and would get mad at me for continuing on my own. Which is ridiculous. I mean, you were the one who suggested we hike the Grand Canyon. I accepted the invitation, paid my own way to get out to Arizona, and then you're the one who can't continue. Somehow in your mind that makes me the asshole. Which might be true if you were injured on the Bright Angel Trail heading down the canyon, and I abandoned you instead of assisting you to a doctor. But you're just tired. And because you're tired I should go without."
"I guess what I'm saying is, you seem selfish and out of shape. I can't trust that type of person to complete a set for a show I may produce with Charles in the future."