Friday, September 21, 2007

Guilt: It's What's For Dinner

As I sit in my cube today, well Angie's cube (whoever that is), I have been thinking. It has occurred to me that the Christian God is definitely Jewish. It's obvious by the passive agressive guilt trip he gives his followers. Or is it their followers? Plural? The Christians have God and then they have his son who is also a god and also passive agressive. Which makes me wonder how is Christianity monothesistic? They have at least two gods if not three if you count the holy ghost, whoever that is maybe it's Angie the woman on her honeymoon whose desk I'm sitting at. Christianity should be one of the triothesistic religions. No matter how many gods the christians have it doesn't stop those gods from probably being Jewish. It doesn't get more Jewish than, "My son died for you sins" or "I died for you sins the least you could do is go to church. Maybe pray a little on Sundays. Would it be too much to ask to spread my word a little. I mean, I spent all day writing the word and dictating it to the apostles. Is it so much to ask that you do some outside sales for me? You know what? Forget it. You sit around watching your football. I'm going to get back up on my cross where I won't be bothering anyone. Apparently, you didn't like the wine I made and you hate the fish and bread I brought. So just forget it. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll just be on my two pieces of wood out of the way of the television so you can watch your game. Which by the way is very violent, not that I'm judging."

In unrelated news tonight begins Yom Kippur the Jewish day of atonement. I will not be atoning for my sins this year, because Yahweh, the god of the Jews probably isn't Jewish so he hasn't guilted me into atoning. However, I will be attending Yom Kippur dinner at my parents' house tomorrow because my mother is Jewish and I don't have the emotional fortitude to withstand her powers.

3 comments:

Allison said...

I really, really love the "I died for your sins" monologue. That is hilarious.

rob said...

Christian god is unquestionably Jewish. Christians are just advanced Jews.

rachael said...

Leave to Rob to miss the joke. But yes, Christians are advanced Jews. They've taken slaughtering their enemies to a whole new level.