Wedding Tales

This past weekend I attended my cousin's wedding. A glorious affair with an outdoor ceremony beside a beautiful lake and as much mid range booze I could imbibe. This probably was the last wedding my family will throw for awhile. It doesn’t look like my other two cousins or I are getting hitched anytime soon. Not that my extended family hasn’t put in the effort on my behalf. All weekend I was getting phone numbers and e-mail address of every single boy on the east coast. Which is kind of cool because at least they’re not trying to set me up with women anymore. I just thought it was offensive to lesbians. Just because I never have a date to family functions, or in life, doesn’t mean I’m gay. Gay people date. They have relationships. In some states they even get married and adopt children. I’m not gay. I’m emotionally unavailable.

So no more weddings for awhile which is good. I need time. I’m hoping at the next wedding I’ll be able to give my own gift instead of going in with my parents. And when I type “going in” I mean I put my name on the card of the gift my parents are giving. Actually, my mother signs my name. She fears that if I sign the card the check inside might bounce just by association. I know I shouldn’t feel bad, I’m only 27 years old. I only graduated college 6 years ago. Financial independence takes time. I mean I’ve only been temping for four years. Everyone knows temping doesn’t really start paying off until you make it some other career. But even if this temping pipe dream doesn’t pan out I know I’ll be financially secure at 70. See, my parents are 30 years older than me. I figure with today’s medicine they’ll probably live to be 100 years old. And then the house is mine along with my dad’s “Big Trouble in Little China” laser disc. And the laser disc player. Hopefully at 70 I’ll be able to get up from the couch to turn the disc over. Yeah, I’m having them install the wheel chair ramp now.