Wednesday, September 27, 2006

And Another Thing...

Conventional wisdom says that if a romantic interest does not call you or return a voice mail message you left with a phone call that the romantic interest is actually a romantic non-interest. The non-callers don't love you. I say hogwash.

In response to conventional wisdom I pose this question to all my readers and those not reading. When was the last time you called your grandmother? Hmm? Well? You all seem guiltily silent. I guess you haven't called because you don't love your grandmother. What was that? You say you do love gammy, but you've just been really busy. Oh. OK. I guess that's fine. She only defended you when your father was going to send you to military school for not eating your vegetables. She's the one who said, "We're on vacation let the kid have Coco Crispies." But you're busy. I get it. In the world of love it's OK for you to not to call the people you love, like grandma. Grandma should still know you care. But if some shmo you just met drunkenly in a bar a week ago doesn't call you back well he/she just doesn't care. Hypocrite.

"But, Rachael, my grandmother's dead." OK fair enough. However, did you ever stop to think your romantic interest is dead. He/she was hit by a bus yesterday morning. Tragic. He/she was in the process of calling you back, not paying attention to the traffic, walked right infront of a city bus and died. Since you never called again you don't know that and now you're the asshole who didn't send flowers to the funeral.

"You know Rachael, the phone line rings both ways, Nana could call me." Yes, and you could call the drunken dude/dudette--who's last name you don't know-- even though you already left a message.

"Rachael, my grandmother is still alive but she's a horrid bitch." Well, I guess that's where you get it from then. That's why no one's calling you back.
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Different topic. Bravo to the young man at Mo Pitkins Tuesday evening who spoke to me after my show. He told me that I was very funny -- of course-- and then proceeded to give me his card. But, instead of him pussing out and asking me to put him on my mailing list he said, "Drop me an e-mail maybe we can go biking sometime. And I'm totally going to check out 'I Love Jack' this weekend." You guys should totally check out "I Love Jack" this Sunday October 1st at 8pm and meet the dude who properly knows how to pick up female comedian after a show. Then watch as I break his spirit by informing him we can only bike as friends because I'm in a committed relationship with Jack.

This week's guests: Mike Dobbins, Zero boy, Dave Hill,Eliza Fario-Santos, Carolyn Castiglia

"I Love Jack" a live radio variety show
Sundays
M.Shanghai's Den (129 Havemeyer Street--Williamsburg)
8pm
$2

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