Sunday, September 10, 2006

Bust out the Champagne and Gnochi

I'm engaged! It's not as sudden as it seems. A month back I received an email from my friend James. In the e-mail he confessed a fear of winding up alone. He inquired if I'd marry him when he turned 40. I wrote back, "Wow! you're a good 4 years older than me. That's hardly fair to make me settle at 36 years of age when you get to wait until 40 to settle. I'll compromise and marry you when I turn 38." He wrote back that my compromise sounded fair. And that was the last we discussed of our possible nuptials. Until Friday evening.

An inebriated James called me, "Rachael, you're not going to play with my heart are you? You're going to marry me when I turn 40?"
"No, I'm not. I'll marry you when you're 42."
"OK," he said.
"And I want a wedding."
"Fine."
"I want fire jugglers at the ceremony and I want a young Dustin Hoffman look-a-like to interrupt the ceremony and scream, 'Elaine! Elaine!' and then we turn around and say, 'wrong wedding.'"
"I'm OK with that. But I want to live on the East Coast. And we're not having lobster or parts of lobster at the wedding."
"Dude, I don't want to pay for my guests to have lobster dinner. I want gnocci as a first course."
"Fine, but then we need to serve Swedish Meatballs."
"I'll concede to Swedish Meatballs only if they are served as apetizers, and the rest of the meal will be Italian. Oh and dude, you know how you don't like having sex once you're in a long term relationship?"
"Yeah,"
"Well, I get to have sex with other people then."
"I'm totally OK with that."
(Thank god James has weird intimacy issues and he won't be wanting to have sex with me and doesn't mind me having sex with other people. Otherwise, I don't think I would have been able to sell this idea of me marrying some other dude to my boyfriend Jack.)
James continued, "So we're all set then. In 9 years we're getting married."
"Oh god. I'm going to be 38 in nine years. That's it. Nine years and I'll be knocking on 40. When did that shit happen?"
"Yeah, so you better get ready to marry me."
"I'm ready."
And there you have it. I'm engaged! Yes, it is slightly a long engagement but for older people, such as ourselves, time is experienced more quickly. Exponentially faster with each passing year. Plus, we had no courtship, so it all balances out.

After I hung up with James I turned to Jack. "Honey, I'm marrying James in 9 years. He doesn't want to end up alone, but you and I, baby, can still have sex and hang out and all that."
"Rachael, this is why I love you. You are one of the few people who understand how important friendship is. That's why I'm glad you're not just my girlfriend but my best friend. Of course we'll help out James in his hour of need nine years from now."
And then Jack kissed me and turned off the light."

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