Fried Cake Too Good To Resist

I've eaten several of my roommate's donuts without permission today. In other words I stole a couple of donuts. I really wanted a donut and didn't want to ask if I could have one because I wanted more than one, but you can't ask for more than one donut. I rationalized my theft by telling myself, the idiot never buys toilet paper, paper towels, liquid hand soap, cleaning supplies (though that's not really fair. He shouldn't have to buy cleaning supplies as he never cleans.), saran wrap, etc. But here's the thing: In the end my eating his donuts makes me more likely to have a heart attack and because there are less donuts for him to eat he's less likely to have a coronary.

HE ALWAYS WINS!!!!