Spinach: Food for Any Mood

Sometimes I too get depressed. I know faithful readers you are shocked. "Rachael, how could you get depressed? You're a comedic genius." You are right I am brilliant, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to end it all. Though, I have suffered greatly and have been betrayed by many I don't believe that this is the true cause of my depression. Rather, I think thoughts of hanging myself or stepping infront of a city bus are caused by a lack of nutrition. If my body is a temple then I am a skin-head in that temple. Or maybe my body is 3rd world bus station and I'm not a racist with a shitty hair-cut and lack of fashion sense. I find myself saddest when I have not eaten well, or slept enough or exercised enough or any combination of the three. And the god damn spinach scare has not helped my mental health. Before spinach started killing people I used to eat spinach almost every day. Then NPR told me my spinach was trying to murder me, so I stopped eating it. I really didn't appreciate the spinach's switch from nurishment to vehicle of death. I'm already paranoid, I don't sleep because I think my white hybrid bicycle is out to get me, not to mention all of you. We don't now need to add one of the few vegetables I actually enjoy.

A few weeks ago the news reported it's now safe to eat spinach again. Is it really that easy? Am I supposed to just forgive spinach for trying to kill me and go back to eating it? Spinach has done nothing to regain my trust. Spinach never called to say, "sorry, I scared you. I'm sorry I was killing people." Spinach just pretended that nothing happened. Though, the rest of the country took spinach back without an apology without an explanation for spinach's behaviour I was not ready to re-engage with spinach. Sure, I fantasized about the spinach burritos I used to eat at the mexican place on 3rd street and 1st avenue. I loved those burritos. So good. But I can't just go back and eat spinach after what spinach has done. Spinach should have held a press conference and said, "I'm going to try not to kill people any more. I'm really going to earnestly try."

But then, I began to sleep less and less. I began to ingest fewer and fewer calories and those calories were derived from fried foods that lacked vegetables. From there I just got sad. I didn't want to go on. I thought, "Well, I don't own a gun. I can't swallow pills, I don't know how to tie a noose and I'm too depressed to learn how, and I'm scared a cross town bus will only paralyze me. You know what? I'm eating the spinach. It's the only kind of self-inflicted death I have the skills for."

Today I made a spinach omlett. I'm not dead. I feel a bit better. I guess either way I would have won.


Anonymous said…
"...would have..."