I'd Run For President, But...

**Please note that my college friend, Rob, is a regular reader and assumes most of my blog posts are about him. In fact most of them are not about him. Today’s post includes clarifying parenthetical inserts to counterbalance Rob’s ego. Thank you, other readers, for your understanding.

I have a friend (yes, Rob this is a reference to you.) who believes that laws deter people from committing crimes. I completely disagree with this thesis. If laws deterred people from committing crimes then the jails would be empty. The jails are not empty. The jails are so not empty that politicians keep suggesting we build more prisons. Also, a large percentage of criminals are repeat offenders. Meaning, they commit a crime, go to jail, serve their time, are released, and then commit another crime, which sends them right back to jail. You'd think if jail were so awful people who had already been there would do all they could not to return. I actually believe jail is miserable, even though I have no first hand knowledge. However, the depravity of our penal system does not stop crime.

In fact, despite all the ill that jail offers up to its residents, I think jails give a person incentive to commit crime. Think about it. You know that miserable co-worker who is only nice to people who can get her somewhere, and is a bitch to everyone else and is a fake, high school acting, 30-something hipster who is barely funny, I mean works in HR. Yeah, if you killed her (no, Rob, not you.)you would eliminate her from my life;--excellent---you'd wind up in jail, which means no rent to pay;--genius—and, then you wouldn’t have to worry about pursuing any career or artistic goals--outstanding. Further, jail has cable TV. I don’t have cable TV and I’m free.

That's why I contend that people commit crimes because they are motivated individuals with a passion for law breaking. The reason I never killed the aforementioned lady, who isn’t Rob, is because I’m extremely lazy. It’s a miracle I find the will to write this blog, we all know I don’t find the energy to proofread it. I’ll put it to you this way, I can’t get off the couch and wash my dishes never mind get out of bed, get dressed, put shoes on, go to my intended victim’s place of work or home, struggle with that person, and eventually kill her. Forget the facts that I might get hurt in the process of killing her, or that it takes money to transport myself to her location. In the end crime is just too much work. It’s much easier to watch Oprah and believe her when she tells me if I think positively I’ll get rich and own a big house. I think if America wants to deter crime America needs to mandate TV watching. America needs a cable subsidy program. People much prefer to watch TV than steal, assault, and kill.

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