Negative Nelly--The Better Lady
From Oprah’s “The Secret” to Dr. Christaine Northrup (seen on PBS “menopause and beyond” oy vey) there seems to be a cult of positive thinking on the rise. Well, I’m here to tell you positive thinking is a load of crap. These programs want you walking around telling yourself how fabulous you are. But what if you are not fabulous? How are you to improve yourself if you think you’re just fine the way you are. 'Cause you’re not fine--staying up to the wee hours of the evening, eating peanut butter and chocolate chips, watching crappy late-night PBS programming because you are too poor to buy basic cable, and your too poor because you’re too lazy to work a regular job. None of that will change because you tell yourself you’re sexy and awesome. Trust me.
Answer me this question. Are people who walk around thinking they are simply marvelous confident? Or are they delusional and arrogant? Northrup and Oprah would have ladies believing that if women believe they are beautiful then men will think they are beautiful too. No! You can think you’re pretty all you want, but that hair lip covering your entire lower face isn’t going anywhere. The sooner you face that, the sooner you can start developing other attributes to compensate for the horrifying disfigurement.
I’ve listed some suggestions on how to make-up for that awful hair lip.
Be a better listener. People, love talking about themselves and they will love you more for listening and remember all the bullshit that comes out of their mouths.
Develop a sense of humor. Be the funny one. Make fun of that hair lip.
Learn how to calculate percentages. People will want to invite you out to dinner because you’re the one who can figure out the tip.
Carry a gun and force people to be your friend or romantic partner.
I’ll tell you this. No one likes a pretty person who walks around talking about how pretty they are—do we remember that “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” commercial? Everyone wanted to punch her-- never mind an ugly one.
Am I attractive? No, not really. I don’t have a hair lip or a glass eye, but for New York City I’m not anyone’s pretty radar. So what am going to do about it? Walking around in a cloud of self perpetuated lies. That’s not going make me breasts any bigger or my body less hairy. Instead, I’m going to go to Oregon for 10 days where the standards for beauty and femininity are a lot lower. By not deluding myself I have taken positive steps to get me some action.
(“what about Jack?” What happens in Oregon stays in Oregon.)
In conclusion, I think fibbing to oneself might be a road to happiness, but not a road to self-improvement and certainly not a road to acquiring things. The truly best way to acquire items is to be born into a very wealthy family. Wealthy people also get love. Lots and lots of love, not just big houses. Where Oprah and Northrup have it wrong is that getting things (jobs, riches, lovers) will not make you happy. Only being able to be happy will make you happy.
Answer me this question. Are people who walk around thinking they are simply marvelous confident? Or are they delusional and arrogant? Northrup and Oprah would have ladies believing that if women believe they are beautiful then men will think they are beautiful too. No! You can think you’re pretty all you want, but that hair lip covering your entire lower face isn’t going anywhere. The sooner you face that, the sooner you can start developing other attributes to compensate for the horrifying disfigurement.
I’ve listed some suggestions on how to make-up for that awful hair lip.
Be a better listener. People, love talking about themselves and they will love you more for listening and remember all the bullshit that comes out of their mouths.
Develop a sense of humor. Be the funny one. Make fun of that hair lip.
Learn how to calculate percentages. People will want to invite you out to dinner because you’re the one who can figure out the tip.
Carry a gun and force people to be your friend or romantic partner.
I’ll tell you this. No one likes a pretty person who walks around talking about how pretty they are—do we remember that “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” commercial? Everyone wanted to punch her-- never mind an ugly one.
Am I attractive? No, not really. I don’t have a hair lip or a glass eye, but for New York City I’m not anyone’s pretty radar. So what am going to do about it? Walking around in a cloud of self perpetuated lies. That’s not going make me breasts any bigger or my body less hairy. Instead, I’m going to go to Oregon for 10 days where the standards for beauty and femininity are a lot lower. By not deluding myself I have taken positive steps to get me some action.
(“what about Jack?” What happens in Oregon stays in Oregon.)
In conclusion, I think fibbing to oneself might be a road to happiness, but not a road to self-improvement and certainly not a road to acquiring things. The truly best way to acquire items is to be born into a very wealthy family. Wealthy people also get love. Lots and lots of love, not just big houses. Where Oprah and Northrup have it wrong is that getting things (jobs, riches, lovers) will not make you happy. Only being able to be happy will make you happy.
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