Joke Commentary

Comedian Stacia Jensen has a joke about her friend's enjoyment of sleeping with a boyfriend's penis in her mouth. According to the joke, Stacia's friend thinks sleeping with a penis in her mouth is like sleeping with a pacifier. I can't tell you the punch line of this joke because I don't remember it. I don’t remember it because I found the premise of this joke so distracting. After Stacia told the set-up I couldn't help thinking of the logistical problems of such an action.

Never mind, that this girl's face spends the entire night in her boyfriend's crotch. That's fine. What one finds a pleasant smell is subjective. One person's horse-farm is another person's dozen roses. One person's boyfriend's crotch is another person's hot chocolate. And I guess this girl is not concerned with the possibility of suffocating, nor his her boyfriend worried about teeth grinding or nightmares about being force fed food. My real problem with this sleeping position is fitting on the bed. How does the couple fit on a bed this way? If a lady sleeps half way down her boyfriend’s body her legs are going to be dangling off the edge. Or conversely if they sleep with heads at the foot of the bed, then the boyfriend’s shoulders and head are going to be dangling. This is the case even if both participants are me-sized (5ft 1in). Worse yet, what if the bed this couple sleeps on has a head and footboard? Does the girl sleep with a penis in her mouth and her knees in her throat? Those scrunched up knees would be right up against the man's straightened knees. She could break his knees, unless, his knees are also bent. If both sets of knees are bent the couple would form a sort of triangle, putting undue stress on the ladies neck. How is that comfortable?

And let’s face it how likely is it for both people in a couple to be me sized? I think you’d be hard pressed to find a couple that sized in Asia. And if you did find a couple on that continent they’d be worse off because the beds are smaller due to over crowding and space conservation. Two people my size can’t even fit on a bed diagonally. Well, maybe diagonally on a King sized bed. But could two very short people afford a king-sized bed and a place that can hold a king sized bed? Short people make less money than average- heighted people.

Comments

Anonymous said…
What about inverted? Head-to-toe, as it were, but not quite head-to-toe. Then you've only got maybe a couple of feet extra. Wouldn't be so bad.

Actually, that sounds kind of right nice. I wonder what kinds of awesome dreams a man could have if a woman (or a man. it's cool.) gently mouthed his weiner all night long...
rachael said…
The 69 does not solve the fitting on the bed problem. Genitalia doesn't magically move from the middle of the body. Two five feet tall people would still take up at least 8 feet of bed, at least. And there is a difference between having something in one's mouth and mouthing something in one's mouth. The latter requires the mouther to be up all night. Unfair and selfish.

Further, the term weiner is awful. It's right up there in awfulness with "love making" or "boning."

Thanks for playing.

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